Share the Milk

I posted recently about Violet giving up the bottle, thereby relieving me of the responsibility of pumping milk for her to drink while we were apart . . . and just in time, since my supply had dipped sufficiently in recent months that I was only pumping about half of what she drank in a day. We’ve been (she’s been) eating away at my freezer stash all summer, but when she decided she was done with the bottle, and she wasn’t interested in imbibing my milk from a cup either, I was left with a little over 100 ounces of frozen breastmilk and no baby to drink it. Until I found MilkShare.

MilkShare is a resource created to connect breastfeeding mothers willing to donate excess breastmilk to babies whose families aren’t able to produce enough for them on their own. Of course it would be more convenient to pick up a can of formula at the corner store, but families seeking donated milk through MilkShare recognize the unrivaled benefits of breastmilk, and are willing to work tirelessly to provide it to their children.

Less than an hour after I posted my introduction and offer to donate milk on the MilkShare Group message board, I received an email from a mama from a neighboring state with a little boy just a couple months younger than Violet. We began corresponding, forging an instant connection over our kids and other common interests, and making arrangements for the transport (thank goodness she’d done this before!).

When I checked my email later that evening, I discovered eight more families had responded to my post. The devotion of these parents (and in one case, a grandparent) to seek breastmilk for their babies was both inspiring and heartwrenching for me. I couldn’t help but wonder things like, “am I sending my milk to the baby who needs it the most?” I wrestled with that for a while before coming to the conclusion that every baby deserves breastmilk, and it’s not for me to say that any baby needs it ‘more.’ I just wish I had more to give.

My ‘milk baby’ just celebrated his first birthday, which means the milk I will be sending will be well-suited for him, since it was pumped just after Violet turned one (the composition of breastmilk changes over time to adapt to a baby’s changing nutritional needs). Due to damage to her milk ducts caused by surgery years before her little guy came along, his mama wasn’t able to produce enough milk for him on her own, but for the last year, she and her husband have dedicated themselves to providing him with breastmilk by seeking out donors like me.

Here’s how it will work: my milk baby’s mama sent me a cooler full of ice packs, freezer bags to replace the ones I had used, some gourmet organic chocolate, and explicit instructions from her husband on how to pack the milk to ensure it stays frozen as it makes its way to their little guy. On Monday, I’ll assemble it all (minus the chocolate!) and call for a FedEx pickup, and my milk will be on its way to another baby’s belly.

This is all be done with Violet’s approval, of course. Before I agreed to donate, I sat down with her in my lap, and told her there was another baby who needed mama’s milk, and would she mind sharing with him? She just grinned at me and signed to nurse, and I assured her that the milk that came straight from the source would always be all hers. There may have been some tears shed, but they weren’t Violet’s. I’m a bit sappy these days, it seems.

Maybe a little more sappy when it comes to this subject specifically. I am amazed and inspired at the lengths people will go to to get breastmilk into babies. Milk donation is no small task on either end. Donors devote hours of effort to pumping, washing parts, and periodically sterilizing components. Recipients spend countless hours contacting donors and arranging for shipment (also no small expense). I understand their commitment because I share it: breastfeeding my daughter, and promoting and supporting breastfeeding in general, has become so important to me. I’m honored to have the opportunity to provide even a few days of such nourishment to one more baby. Bon Appetit, little buddy!

Dumping the Pump

After more than a year of sticking my "please do not disturb" post-it on my office door 2 or three times a day, I'm officially retiring my breastpump. I hadn't yet given much thought to when I'd stop pumping when, a week ago, Violet decided she was done drinking breastmilk any way other than straight from the source.

She was never much for the bottle to begin with. We waited to introduce one until she was six or eight weeks old, and Eric's initial overtures with it were not well received. She refused to take a bottle the entirety of my maternity leave, and we worried about whether she'd be more willing once she was in daycare. I went back to work when she was three months old, and getting her settled there went more smoothly than I ever could have hoped. But she still refused to take a bottle. She wasn't upset about it, she just wouldn't eat.

Fortunately, my employer is family-friendly, and supported me as I worked around Violet's preference for nothing but the breast. I'd nurse her there at the daycare immediately before going in to work, and return at lunch time to a happy (but hungry!) baby. After lunch she'd hold out until I returned at the end of the day when we'd sit down and nurse before heading home. She made up for any missed milk when we were together at night.

She stuck with this schedule for a couple of months, while her caregivers at daycare continued to gently encourage her to accept a bottle. Once she did, she never took more than 4 ounces at a time - and usually only an ounce or two. Just enough, it seemed, to stave off hunger for a little while longer.

Since Violet was never particularly attached to the bottle, I probably shouldn't have been so surprised when she decided she was done with it. She refused it from her sippy cup, too, waiting for the milk in the cup to be replaced with water before drinking. Wanting to be certain, I kept pumping all last week while we waited to see if she changed her mind. She didn't. So I packed up the pump, and worked all day through today without taking a break to pump. I could get used to this.

I don't know of any woman who loves to pump, and I certainly didn't, but I'm glad that I did it. I'm happy to have kept her exclusively breast-fed for more than six months despite being separated during the day, and to have continued to supply her with my milk to drink while we were apart as long as I have. She'll continue to get the benefits of breastmilk as we continue nursing whenever we're together; she's shown no sign of losing interest in that! And I'm looking forward to being done with dragging the pump to the office every day, (don't laugh) deleting my freezer stash spreadsheet, and getting back to the best parts of the nursing relationship: when she is snuggled into me and looks up and smiles. Or waves her foot in my face. Those are some of my favorite motherhood moments so far.

Reasons to Celebrate: World Breastfeeding Week Coincides with Our Own Breastfeeding Milestone

Today marks the beginning of the World Alliance for Breastfeeding Action (WABA) World Breastfeeding Week 2008! (August 1 - August 7) This year’s theme, Mother Support: Going for the Gold, calls for increased support for breastfeeding mothers “in achieving the gold standard of infant feeding.” Such support can be invaluable to breastfeeding mamas, and in turn, their babies.

Violet's birthday, August 4, will fall right in the middle of World Breastfeeding Week, and fittingly, will mark our reaching my initial goal to breastfeed her for at least one year. While we’re still a couple days away from the big day, she’s still nursing - and at this point, my 300+ ounce freezer stash would see her through and then some even if that were to change - so I think it’s safe to say we’ll make it. And we’ll keep going after that.

Breastfeeding is something I’ve become increasingly passionate about since becoming a mother. There’s no dispute that human breastmilk is by far the very best food for babies. Not only is breastmilk perfectly formulated to meet the nutritional needs of the infant, it contains over 100 nutritional components that aren’t found in any brand of formula.

Breastmilk also provides other benefits to babies that formula can't. Breastfeeding decreases the incidence and severity of many infectious diseases, including bacterial meningitis, diarrhea, respiratory tract infections, urinary tract infections and ear infections. Breastfeeding also has been linked to reduced rates of SIDS in the first year, and type 1 and type 2 diabetes, lymphoma, leukemia, obesity, hypercholesterolemia and asthma in older children and adults.

Understanding that breast truly is best, I expected to breastfeed Violet after she was born. What I didn’t expect was how important to me it would become, not just for the reasons that can be supported by a scientific study, but also for the bond that it created between my baby and me. (Okay, there actually are studies that reflect a correlation between breastfeeding and secure attachment, but no amount of analysis can compare to the connection I feel when she is in my arms and nursing.)

I was fortunate in that breastfeeding came easily to Violet and me. With the gentle guidance of our doula, Jennifer Schepper, she latched on within minutes of her birth. I was prepared for pain those first few weeks, but other than some slightly cracked nipples the first day or two, none came. We escaped common breastfeeding obstacles like mastitis and thrush, and have dealt with only one clogged duct to date. A brief nursing strike when Violet was 7 months old scared me, but resolved itself within a couple of days. But even in the absence of much of the significant struggle that can accompany breastfeeding a baby, the support I received was critical to my breastfeeding relationship with Violet, which makes this year’s World Breastfeeding Week theme that much more personal for me.

Jennifer not only helped us in the first few hours of our breastfeeding journey, but returned to our home to provide additional insight weeks later, and I’ve called her more than once in the following months to tap into her expertise on the subject.

Eric was of course my biggest support system, from the first days (when he fixed me elaborate and delicious meals I’d eat from the recliner I never seemed to make it out of for long) through this day, when he will join me in celebrating something we both believe in – breastfeeding our baby. His appreciation for what I’ve done - am doing - is support in its truest form.

And where would I be without my beloved friend Mandy? A breastfeeding mother of two, I consulted her nearly daily for months, on this and other topics she had exponentially more experience with than I did. And she never scoffed at my obsessive concern about my supply, for which I will be forever grateful.

The value of providing any type of support to a breastfeeding mothers simply can’t be underestimated. I hope to offer much of it myself to other mamas, starting right here. A woman’s success with breastfeeding is so dependant on her exposure and access to accurate information. Without it, she may be misled to believe that breastfeeding isn’t the best thing for her baby, that she simply can’t breastfeed, or that her baby is done breastfeeding (‘weaned himself/herself’) at an age when no baby would voluntarily wean. I’d like for this blog to be my forum for providing support to breastfeeding women in the spirit of World Breastfeeding Week: look for future posts dispelling breastfeeding myths and addressing other breastfeeding issues. And feel free to ask any questions of your own about breastfeeding - if I don't know the answer, I'll be happy to hunt for it.