Wordless Wednesday

Pinot Noir and the Pillsbury Dough Boy

What could those two things possibly have in common? You'll find them both in my answers to The Favourite Meme Annie at Phd in Parenting tagged me with this weekend!

THE FAVOURITE MEME. Fill in your favourite for each of the following:

1. Political show Countdown with Keith Olbermann - love his scathing Special Comments.

2. Picnic food Heavenly Apricot Cobbler Bars.

3. Mixed drink Mixed drinks aren’t really my thing, but you can hardly go wrong putting something yummy like Bailey’s in coffee. That’s a mixed drink, right?

4. U.S. President Is it too soon to say Obama?

5. Kind of student to teach The kind who genuinely wants to learn about what you’re teaching.

6. Hobby you do or wish you still did Photography. Exhibit A:

7. Sports commentator I’m going to go with Keith Olbermann, even though he isn’t a sports commentator anymore, because he used to be and he’s the only sports commentator I know of. I don’t watch sports at all. Not even the Olympics. Just doesn’t do a thing for me.

8. Sport to watch on TV See above.

9. Animal to have as a pet Despite how needy our Dane is, I have to say dog. But cats run a close second.

10. Halloween costume you have worn The Pillsbury dough boy!

11. Kind of dessert Gotta be creme brulee.

12. Comic strip Wow, I haven’t read a comic strip in years and years. When I was a kid, my Grandma bought me every Garfield book that ever came out, and I loved those. Garfield it is.

13. Style or make of footwear Ugg boots. So cozy.

14. Ice cream flavor Ben and Jerry’s Chocolate Almond Nougat. Yum.

15. College or university president It’s probably best if I refrain from answering this one. I read Dooce, you know.

16. Internet news source MSNBC.

17. Vacation spot Charlotteville, Tobago.

18. Wine Anything red will do, but I’m partial to Pinot Noir.

19. Way to waste time instead of working I have to agree with Annie, I don’t believe that time spent not working is time wasted. But I do enjoy “wasting time” curled up on the couch with Eric, watching a good episode of Criminal Minds.

20. Student excuse for late work Sounds like this Meme started in somewhere in education! I’ve never had any students, but my favorite excuse for late work from staff would have to be “I had a baby!”

21. Reality show Top Chef! A new season just started last week and we’re stoked.

22. Jewelry on a man His wedding band (my husband’s, anyway).

23. Pizza topping Spinach, artichokes, mushrooms, olives and pepperoncinis.

24. Children’s movie I have loved Escape from Witch Mountain ever since I was little. I watched it again last year, and it’s as good as I remembered. The Black Stallion, not so much.

25. Celebrity you wish would retire Sarah Palin. Please.

Now it's my turn to tag some fellow parenting bloggers! Jolene, Scylla, I'm passing this Meme torch to you two.

Celebrate Babywearing! International Babywearing Week

November 12 – 18 is the first annual International Babywearing Week – what better time to tout the benefits of babywearing? People in all sorts of cultures have worn babies for centuries. It’s a rewarding practice, for both kids and caregivers, not just emotionally but practically; without my Hug-A-Bub wrap carrier and Rockin’ Baby pouch, I might never have gotten out of the recliner the first few months of Violet’s life.

Babies thrive on closeness and human contact, and many are distressed without it. “Babywearing” – carrying your baby next to your body in some sort of cloth carrier – can be a tremendous source of comfort to a newborn. A baby carrier mimics the womb in many ways; rhythmic sounds like the wearer’s heartbeat and breath echo the baby’s experience in utero, and the gentle motion of the wearer’s walking feels just like old times. Going for a walk wearing Violet never failed to lull her to sleep in the early days. Even now, she’ll succumb if she’s tired and we’ve been walking awhile.

Sure, there are other accessories available for containing your kid or toting her around. But a cloth carrier keeps your baby close to you, instead of at arm’s length. I’m not sure when the Western notion that babies should be content to be left lying alone - whether in a crib, a swing, or a bouncer - 75% of their infancy became so commonly and casually accepted, but I’ve got to admit I don’t agree with it. (Neither does most of the rest of the world.) More importantly, that wasn’t what my baby needed, and she wasn’t afraid to tell me so. Violet protested pretty much any time she wasn’t in someone’s arms, so it was fortunate we were enthusiastic about wearing her; I had our coat rack covered with a wrap, 2 pouches and a ring sling even before she was born. She was in the Hotsling just hours after we brought her home, where she snoozed in a cradlehold while I tried to keep crumbs from our favorite pizza off of her forehead.

In addition to calming her in infancy, wearing Violet has allowed us to share so much with her. In a carrier, she can watch whatever we’re doing and we can interact easily. Recently, she rode in the ring sling as we browsed the farmer’s market, and her position on my hip allowed her to see so much more than she could have seen through the legs of all the other locals out that Saturday morning had she been in a stroller (it was much easier for me to maneuver, as well). It also gave us a much better opportunity to snuggle as we shopped, pointing out fruits and vegetables and anything else that caught our eyes. Because she can walk now, she spends less time in a carrier, but I look forward to wearing her on occasion for some time to come. We’ve got a Connecta carrier I’m looking forward to using for back carries with our Peekaru this winter!

As good as I believe babywearing has been for Violet, I feel compelled to point out that the benefits of babywearing aren’t all baby’s – for the parent, babywearing can provide you a great way to carry your baby (or toddler!) without wearing out your arms and wrecking the rest of your body because the carrier supports the baby’s weight and distributes it more evenly (something my neck, shoulders, and back were always grateful for). Even better, babywearing allows you to keep your baby close, but your hands free. Much can be accomplished while wearing a baby, from catching up on emails to cooking dinner!

For those interested in, and perhaps unfamiliar with, babywearing, TheBabyWearer.com is a fantastic resource (a permanent link can be found in the left sidebar). And if you’re patient, I’m planning to share more about specific types and brands of carriers we’ve tried in future posts. Happy International Babywearing Week!

Wordless Wednesday

Don't Forget to Vote!

No, this post isn't going up a week too late. The election may be over, but the API Attachment Parenting Month Photo and Essay contest polls are open until November 30. In the spirit of AP Month this October, I entered both. My photo (the shot of Eric and Violet at a wedding in September, above) wasn't selected as a finalist, but my essay is in the running. (I'll give you a hint: it's Essay #1.) Cast a vote for your favorite photo and essay on the theme "Giving Our Children Presence" here!

I've decided that though my photo submission for the contest may not have made it to the final four, I like it enough that a copy is going to go up in my office soon. While you're voting, how about helping me decide which version: the original color, or black and white? Leave your vote in the comments below.

Change

This has certainly been the week for it! Some of it seemed to come more easily than expected: Obama’s win was announced while Eric was upstairs soothing a stirring Violet back to sleep - we hadn’t even finished dinner yet! After bracing ourselves for a night of nail-biting, it was almost anticlimactic. (The announcement, that is. The event itself was - and will remain - monumental on so many levels.)

But even before America elected its first black president, our baby girl was going through some big changes of her own. Monday morning was Violet's first day at her new daycare. The daycare she’d attended since I returned to work, Serenity Infant Care, is a small program providing care, as its name suggests, expressly to infants. At 15 months old and officially toddling, Violet was ready to move on to Toddler Care.

We’d heard amazing things from other parents about the place we had decided on and we were impressed with the program and providers on our initial visits, so Eric and I were excited for Violet to get started. But it was a bittersweet anticipation. After a year of attendance at Serenity, Violet and I were both pretty attached to its owner, Hayley, as well as the other little ones she’d spent so much time with.

A coworker with a six month old at home mentioned to me this week that his stay-at-home wife "couldn't imagine leaving her baby with a stranger." I know what she meant, and I'm sure not having experienced anything other than being at home with her baby, that must be how she imagines childcare. But fresh from a tearful goodbye from Hayley, I told him that our daycare provider had hardly been a stranger.

Maybe it was the unusual amount of time I was able to spend at Serenity with Violet that made me feel at home with Hayley. For the first few months, Violet refused to take my milk in a bottle from anyone, so I spent every lunch hour nursing her there at Serenity, hanging out with Violet and Hayley, Hayley's staff, and the other kids who kept them company. Even after Hayley’s patient persistence had eased Violet into eating for others, I found myself lingering there often. It was just a comfortable place to be.

But even more than the environment she has created (somehow 12 infants in fairly close quarters really can be serene), watching Hayley with Violet, and the other babies in her care, was a constant reassurance. She moves among them with a peaceful grace, responding to sniffles with snuggles, basking in babies like no one else I’ve ever observed. That she loved Violet was evident every time Hayley wrapped her arms around her, which made it all the harder to take Violet to anyone else, even though we all agreed she was ready.

Before Violet was scheduled to begin attending the toddler program, we spent several afternoons there with her introducing her to new caregivers, new friends, and a new setting. She was excited to explore it all, and became comfortable with the owner surprisingly quickly. Monday morning, Violet and I showed up for her first day. Shortly after we arrived she ventured away from me to check out a basket of blocks, and proceeded to make herself at home, checking out puzzles and the play kitchen. I hung back, letting her get familiar with things on her own, but happy to hand out hugs every time she swung my way. She was happy with this arrangement until it was time for me to go, and her to join her new contemporaries for breakfast. I gave her kisses and hugs, and settled her into Shana's arms before I left. She was crying as I closed the door; it took all my self-restraint not to rush back to her. I stopped just outside the door, waiting to hear her to stop. It didn't take long - less than a minute - but every parent knows than when your baby is crying, one minute can feel like a lifetime. Of course I called several times that day, and each time Violet's caregivers assured me that she was actually enjoying herself. I was relieved to see that with my own eyes when I arrived to pick her up . . . but of course I didn't mind when she dropped her snack as soon as she saw me and came running.

It's going to take some getting used to - for all of us - but overall, Violet's first week at EFTC seemed to go well. My departure is still a pretty traumatic experience for both of us, but she recovers quickly. She's already pretty attached to the primary provider, and warming up to the other caregivers already. She completed her first art project this week - a masterpiece of different types of tape. She also joined in group activities, devoured everything we sent for meals and snacks, and slept soundly every day at naptime (I'd love to learn their secret for that!).We wish President-elect Obama a similarly smooth transition!

Wordless Wednesday: Yes We Can!

Happy Halloween!

Violet didn't pick her costume out herself this year (I suspect this may be the last year that will be the case), but she did influence our choice. We wanted her to dress up as something she recognized, and she can definitely pick a cow out of a crowd. More importantly, it's the animal sound she knows best at this point. Her version of "Mooooooo?" "MMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!"

Happy Halloween!

Wordless Wednesday

Fall Fun

I'm a warm weather woman - I love sunshine on my shoulders and all the rest of it. I admit to lamenting the lapse of summertime every September, but I'm learning to love the rest of the seasons. This year, with Violet just over one year old, we're enjoying autumn traditions with a whole new perspective. Last weekend, her Utah grandparents joined us for some real fall recreation: a trip to the pumpkin patch.

Violet loved the tractor ride out to the field; on the way we passed a pasture full of turkeys, as well as the apple orchards Cabolo's Orchard offers in addition to the u-pick pumpkin patch we were headed to, where you can pluck your future jack-o-lantern right from the spot it where it grew. We snagged pumpkins for each of us, and picked up some squash and cantaloupe at their produce stand as well - all natural, as Cabolo's is a pesticide-free operation.

Sunday afternoon, we carved our pumpkin picks in the backyard. Violet, appointed judge of our friendly family competition, enthusiastically endorsed Eric's work; he also carved Violet's baby pumpkin. That's mine on the right. (Yes, I know its smile is slightly off-center. It was designed to be a quirky, endearing quality that would guarantee me the win. Apparently Violet prefers the conventional jack-o-lantern grin.)
All this and an adorable pumpkin hat, too? (Thanks, Mom!) I'm already looking forward to next fall.

We Can Do This In Our Sleep! Being Present All Through the Night

Nightime has confronted us with some of the most challenging parenting moments we’ve faced so far, but being present for our now 14 month old daughter at three in the morning is just as important as it is at any more reasonable hour. Though it isn’t always as easy, or as pleasant, as engaging her in a silly song, or reading Counting Kisses again, she doesn’t stop needing us when the sun goes down.

Our nighttime parenting has evolved in response to our daughter’s needs – and our fumbling attempts to meet them.The day she was born, she never left our arms until after midnight, when we laid her carefully in the plastic bassinet the hospital provided before turning in ourselves. As we gazed down at our brand new baby girl, she spit up a little, and we froze at the terrifying idea that she could choke while we slept. Without further ado, I scooped her up and climbed into the bed, where she slept in my arms, nursing on and off the rest of the night.

When we brought her home the next day, we carefully attached an Arm’s Reach Cosleeper to our bed, eager for her to sleep close to us. We were aware of the benefits of co-sleeping– including decreased risk of SIDS – and the Cosleeper made us feel more comfortable about sleeping next to a newborn. But the first time we lowered our sleeping infant onto its thin mattress she awoke immediately, howling in protest. We tried again, gently easing her from our bodies to this space where we had intended for her to sleep, but she made it clear she had other ideas.

And so the Cosleeper was relegated to serving as a makeshift nightstand until its eventual relocation to storage in the basement, and we began the process of trying to determine how to help our baby sleep. As a newborn, she slept best semi-upright on our chests, so for several weeks (or maybe it was months? it all runs together now) we took turns sleeping with her in the overstuffed recliner I’d grudgingly come to love during the last months of my pregnancy. When she was five weeks old, we discovered she was suffering from acid reflux, which explained her profound discomfort at lying flat on her back. But even after she outgrew the reflux at about four months, we still couldn’t seem to coax her to sleep for any significant length of time.

We made sure she wore comfortable pjs, was clean and dry, and had a belly full of breastmilk before bedtime each night. We tried putting her down in her crib and in her swing, with white noise and without, swaddled and unswaddled, on her back and on her side, with the nightlight on and off. And each time, about an hour after she succumbed to sleep, she’d wake, and we would go try again.

We also tried co-sleeping, hopeful that being close to us would provide her some comfort, but found that such proximity only stimulated her to fight sleep in order to nurse frantically all night - I awoke more than once to a find a puddle of my milk pooled under her head. So we’d try variations of other arrangements again, which would allow her to sleep more peacefully, if not for long.

We didn’t expect her to sleep through the night at six weeks, or even six months, understanding that nightwaking is normal. We were more than willing to attend to her in the wee hours, and I was happy to nurse her more than once overnight. But months of hourly (and occasionally more frequent) waking was wearing us down. Frustrated and exhausted, we stumbled through our days and nights, and desperately searched books on baby sleep for a solution. The mainstream consensus was clear: our baby should be sleeping through the night by now, and if she wasn’t, we should ‘help’ her by leaving her to cry it out.

We considered that advice, but as I wrote in this post, quickly concluded that cry-it-out wasn’t compatible with the attachment parenting approach in which we believed. At some point, we accepted that there probably wasn’t a silver bullet for our sleep struggles. The answer to the question of what to do for our daughter, a restless sleeper with high nocturnal needs, was simple, and one we’d known all along: when she cried, we would respond. Every time. Sometimes I nursed her as soon as she stirred, sometimes her Dada snuggled with her or patted her bum softly until she drifted back into slumber. We continued to bring her into our bed, and finally, one night when she was almost eleven months old, she finished nursing, rolled over, and went to sleep. It was the first night she’d actually slept next to me without nursing for a few hours, and she hasn’t been back in her crib since.

Co-sleeping feels right for us. Though she still stirs often throughout the night, just being beside us seems to lengthen each stretch of snooze - finally we can comfort her without waking ourselves! And when she does arouse, if she isn’t easily soothed back to sleep, she nestles next to me and nurses, and we doze off together again. Of course there are nights when we find ourselves exasperated at the fact that we haven’t enjoyed a night of unbroken sleep for over a year, but we are committed to giving her our presence even when it isn’t easy to do so. And when the sun comes up on her sweet face between my husband and me, I wouldn’t want any of us to be anywhere else.

Originally posted at API Speaks October 14, 2008.

Wordless Wednesday: Swimming Lessons

AP Carnival of Presence

If you're looking for bearded ladies, you're not likely to come across any at API Speaks' Carnival of Presence. What you will find is a collection of posts on the AP Parenting Month theme "Giving Our Children Presence" from a variety of bloggers, including yours truly. Even in the absence of funnel cake, it's worth a visit. Enjoy!

Sign Us Up: Sometimes a Full Schedule Can Mean More Time For Each Other

As working parents, the time we have to be physically present for our daughter is limited five days a week. Cosleeping affords us additional hours of closeness, but we’re unconscious for at least a few of those. Eric enjoys breakfast with her every morning, and I arrive at work later than I might otherwise like to most days because I’m having too much fun with her and her friends at daycare. But evenings offer us our best opportunity to spend quality time together. As October – Attachment Parenting Month – approached, I gave a lot of thought to the theme of “giving our children presence,” and wondered whether I was truly taking advantage of the hours I had with Violet after work . We did spend that time together, and I made sure some of it was spent giving her all of my attention, whether we read books, went for a walk, or played with the cat. But it was also easy to be distracted by housework, errands, and other chores, and as I reflected on the previous weeks, I realized I was spending almost as much time each night with an armload of laundry - Violet toddling behind me snagging the stray socks - as I was with my daughter in my arms . Time to refocus.

Eric and I had taken her to swimming lessons last spring, something we’d all loved. The program we’d previously attended no longer offered evening sessions, so I tracked down a new class at the local Y that was scheduled to start October 6. Perfect! Last Monday at 6:35, we were back in the water.

Violet took to it as quickly as she had the first time, all smiles even as the instructor cavorted between her and the other baby in attendance, splashing them in equal measure to get them accustomed to the aquatic environment. During our lessons six months ago, we worked primarily on teaching her to float on her back; this round has started out much more playfully, and we're having a blast with it. She's reaching for fun things floating around her, kicking her feet, riding around the pool on my chest, and holding on to the kickboard as I propel her through the water. On Monday, she even made her first trip down the slide!

We were having so much fun with swimming lessons, I figured why stop there? I'd been interested in checking out Mommy and Me yoga classes for a while, and now seemed like as good a time as any to give it a try. As luck would have it, the class I hoped to get into was starting this week. Scheduled for Tuesday nights, it fit neatly between our Monday and Wednesday trips to the pool, so I signed us up.

I can't say that I got much of a workout out of our first yoga class last night, but what I did get out of it was another hour of awesome interaction with my daughter. Some of the class was intended for mamas and babies together - we tried out several poses that incorporated our kids, and devoted time toward the end to baby massage. The rest of the yoga routine was more mama centered - though each of us sat back through parts of it to nurse our little ones. While we were participating, the kids were free to run around and check out each other as well as the toys we'd brought to satisfy their fleeting attention spans. Violet also enjoyed sitting beside me and imitating me: watching as I interlaced my fingers and stretched my arms upward, and then reaching her own arms high above her head. The conclusion of class called for us to lie on our mats, completely relaxed. Violet contributed by clambering on top of me to give me a kiss. I don't know about relaxation, but it sure felt good.

October has turned out to be a very busy month for us, but being busy isn't always a bad thing. In this instance, it's helped us to make sure we dedicate more of our time and ourselves to engaging our little girl, not just keeping her occupied. I don't know if we'll stick with such a packed schedule, but I hope that what we're doing now will serve as a valuable reminder even after classes are over to put everything else aside, at least some of the time, to focus entirely on spending time together. And when it's this much fun, why wouldn't we?

Wordless Wednesday: Dada's Home

Share the Milk

I posted recently about Violet giving up the bottle, thereby relieving me of the responsibility of pumping milk for her to drink while we were apart . . . and just in time, since my supply had dipped sufficiently in recent months that I was only pumping about half of what she drank in a day. We’ve been (she’s been) eating away at my freezer stash all summer, but when she decided she was done with the bottle, and she wasn’t interested in imbibing my milk from a cup either, I was left with a little over 100 ounces of frozen breastmilk and no baby to drink it. Until I found MilkShare.

MilkShare is a resource created to connect breastfeeding mothers willing to donate excess breastmilk to babies whose families aren’t able to produce enough for them on their own. Of course it would be more convenient to pick up a can of formula at the corner store, but families seeking donated milk through MilkShare recognize the unrivaled benefits of breastmilk, and are willing to work tirelessly to provide it to their children.

Less than an hour after I posted my introduction and offer to donate milk on the MilkShare Group message board, I received an email from a mama from a neighboring state with a little boy just a couple months younger than Violet. We began corresponding, forging an instant connection over our kids and other common interests, and making arrangements for the transport (thank goodness she’d done this before!).

When I checked my email later that evening, I discovered eight more families had responded to my post. The devotion of these parents (and in one case, a grandparent) to seek breastmilk for their babies was both inspiring and heartwrenching for me. I couldn’t help but wonder things like, “am I sending my milk to the baby who needs it the most?” I wrestled with that for a while before coming to the conclusion that every baby deserves breastmilk, and it’s not for me to say that any baby needs it ‘more.’ I just wish I had more to give.

My ‘milk baby’ just celebrated his first birthday, which means the milk I will be sending will be well-suited for him, since it was pumped just after Violet turned one (the composition of breastmilk changes over time to adapt to a baby’s changing nutritional needs). Due to damage to her milk ducts caused by surgery years before her little guy came along, his mama wasn’t able to produce enough milk for him on her own, but for the last year, she and her husband have dedicated themselves to providing him with breastmilk by seeking out donors like me.

Here’s how it will work: my milk baby’s mama sent me a cooler full of ice packs, freezer bags to replace the ones I had used, some gourmet organic chocolate, and explicit instructions from her husband on how to pack the milk to ensure it stays frozen as it makes its way to their little guy. On Monday, I’ll assemble it all (minus the chocolate!) and call for a FedEx pickup, and my milk will be on its way to another baby’s belly.

This is all be done with Violet’s approval, of course. Before I agreed to donate, I sat down with her in my lap, and told her there was another baby who needed mama’s milk, and would she mind sharing with him? She just grinned at me and signed to nurse, and I assured her that the milk that came straight from the source would always be all hers. There may have been some tears shed, but they weren’t Violet’s. I’m a bit sappy these days, it seems.

Maybe a little more sappy when it comes to this subject specifically. I am amazed and inspired at the lengths people will go to to get breastmilk into babies. Milk donation is no small task on either end. Donors devote hours of effort to pumping, washing parts, and periodically sterilizing components. Recipients spend countless hours contacting donors and arranging for shipment (also no small expense). I understand their commitment because I share it: breastfeeding my daughter, and promoting and supporting breastfeeding in general, has become so important to me. I’m honored to have the opportunity to provide even a few days of such nourishment to one more baby. Bon Appetit, little buddy!

Wordless Wednesday

Stuff We Like: Father Goose

Music is something that’s important to us, and we wanted to encourage Violet to enjoy it too at an early age. Part of our preparations for bringing home baby included setting up a tiny speaker set for what was to become her iPod, loaded with lullabies that we still play in her room around the clock.

Of course, she hears a lot of our tunes, but we’ve accumulated quite a collection of kids’ music as well . . . about 24 hours of it to date. In keeping with our musical tastes (preferences for world music, jazz, blues, reggae, folk, and classic rock – aversions to country, rap, hip-hop, and pop), Violet’s playlist ranges from African Lullaby to the Baby Loves Jazz Band, to our favorite kids’ CD: It’s a Bam Bam Diddly, by Father Goose.

Essentially reggae/ska aimed at the shorter set, It’s a Bam Bam Diddly is a blast. In addition to the Goose himself (aka Rankin Don), the album includes performances by favorite kid's music artist Dan Zanes – and even Sheryl Crow. The title track could get anybody on their feet, as could "Come Down the Line" and "Chi Chi Buddo." My other personal favorite songs: "Jig Jog Gee" and "By and By."

In the world of children’s music, we’ve found a lot that we like, but nothing like Father Goose!

Attachment Parenting Month 2008: "Giving Our Children Presence"

Attachment Parenting International (API) has designated October Attachment Parenting Month, and this year’s theme is “Giving Our Children Presence.” It’s such a great reminder for me; I know for me it’s easy to caught up in the everyday details, and while I’m with Violet . . . I’m not always with her. I’m looking forward to thinking about - and writing about - ways that we give our presence to our daughter and ways that can we can give her more. I’m also looking forward to reading and responding to other parents’ thoughts on the subject over on API Speaks this month. After Violet’s gone to bed, of course. ;)

Wordless Wednesday