Postcards From The East End

We've moved!

2009-11-13T12:58:00.001-07:00

We're all settled in now at www.postcardsfromtheeastend.com. And we're staying put. Hope to see you there!

Wordless Wednesday

2009-07-02T13:21:00.002-06:00

It's still Wednesday somewhere, right?

Wordless Wednesday

2009-06-24T16:15:00.002-06:00

Wordless Wednesday

2009-06-17T22:58:00.000-06:00

Wordless Wednesday

2009-06-10T08:49:00.001-06:00

Wordless Wednesday

2009-06-03T13:59:00.003-06:00

Wordless Wednesday

2009-05-27T15:09:00.002-06:00

Wordless Wednesday

2009-05-13T14:09:00.003-06:00

Race for the Cure 2009

2009-05-10T13:45:00.009-06:00

The Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure is a huge event, with more than 100 races worldwide this Mother's Day weekend. Violet's Uncle Mat's mom, Jamie, is a breast cancer survivor, and Violet and I were honored to participate yesterday as members of her team.

We met Aunt Kristin, Uncle Mat, Grandma and Grandpa and more of Jamie's friends and family at her house Saturday morning, where Jamie supplied us with plenty of fuel for the race: breakfast sandwiches hot off the griddle and even powdered donuts (my favorite!). The one mile walk from Jamie's to the starting line was a great warmup for most of us; I let Violet conserve her energy riding on my back. The race got underway not long after our arrival, and once the hard-core contenders were out of the way, we joined the crowd and took off!

We had all signed up for the 5k walk, and at the outset, it looked doable. I had my Connecta (buckle-tai type for the baby-carrier set) carrier with me, so Violet could ride on my back as soon as she got tired. But she didn't get tired. She ran, and ran, and ran. Just not always in the same direction. We lost Kristin and Mat and the rest of the group early on, but my mom (hard to get used to calling her Grandma!) and I accompanied Violet as she ran up one side of the street and down the other, over and over.

I doubt we covered more than half a mile, but we really covered that stretch. Violet finally wore herself out, and sprawled out in the street to rest.

We had a ton of fun, but even more than that, I was just moved to be a part of it all. The sheer number of people who come out to support the fight against breast cancer, and the enthusiasm of everyone there is a really powerful thing to experience. We're already looking forward to next year.

Wordless Wednesday

2009-05-06T09:47:00.002-06:00

Where We've Been

2009-05-02T12:38:00.005-06:00

This blog has been seriously neglected for the past few months. It's not something I really intended to let lapse, other projects just took precedence for a while. Rebuilding the backyard and getting the garden set up again after everything was excavated to replace a sewer line consumed all of our weekends through March and much of April, but things are finally up and running. A detailed post on our new and improved plot will be forthcoming. I promise.

The other endeavor I've been devoting more attention to is my photography. I participated in a fantastic photography workshop in March, and spent nearly every spare moment in April to setting up shop. As of May 1, East End Portrait Photography is officially open for business! The blog launched yesterday, and I'm hoping to have a website up soon. (One thing at a time . . .) A second job, that's exactly what I needed, right?

And because life wouldn't be complete if I didn't find yet another project to focus my few free moments on, I have plans to redesign (and move) this blog as well. In the process of setting up the business blog, I found myself enamored with everything I could do with Wordpress, so I've made up my mind to move Postcards from the East End to a new site, with a new look. Just as soon as I get through about 16 other things on my to-do list. In the meantime, things may continue to be a little slow around here, but hang in there with me. I'll be back, and better than ever about keeping you posted on all that we're up to.

Wordless Wednesday

2009-04-29T08:41:00.003-06:00

Wordless Wednesday

2009-04-22T21:23:00.000-06:00

Wordless Wednesday

2009-04-15T06:00:00.000-06:00

Happy Easter!

2009-04-12T22:21:00.007-06:00

We celebrated Easter today the way I always loved to growing up: with an egg hunt at Grandma and Grandpa's house. Violet was a natural at finding eggs and adding them to a basket . . . just not necessarily her own. She shared her stash with everyone in attendance - Grandma and Grandpa ("PaPa"), Aunt Kristin and Uncle Mat, Mama and Dada.

No doubt we had as much fun watching her as she had on her hunt. And fortunately, the festivities aren't over yet! Grandma and Grandpa will join us again tomorrow for the East Foothills Toddler Care egg hunt that was rained out on Friday. Violet may not have had much competition today, but tomorrow will be a different story. Twelve toddlers, two hundred or more eggs . . . this should be good.

Wordless Wednesday

2009-04-08T06:00:00.000-06:00

It's Official: AAP Recommends Keeping Toddlers Rear-Facing Until At Least Two

2009-04-06T11:32:00.006-06:00

Shortly after Violet's first birthday, I posted about why that occasion wouldn't be coinciding with at least one milestone it's often associated with: turning the car seat around so the child can ride facing forward like everyone else in the car. There's no disputing that in the event of an accident, kids are safer in rear-facing car seats long past the one year point when most people turn them forward. So Violet's birthday came and went, and she stayed rear-facing.

The available evidence and experts - including the American Academy of Pediatricians - have long confirmed that rear-facing is the safest way for kids to ride (within the height and weight limits of the car seat). But this month's issue of the AAP News finally included a direct recommendation to keep toddlers rear-facing until two. Hopefully lawmakers won't take long to catch up. As for Violet, she'll likely sail through her second birthday long before she reaches the 35 pound rear-facing weight limit of her Britax seat.

Speaking of Violet . . . what post could be complete without a photo?

Wordless Wednesday

2009-04-01T14:11:00.002-06:00

Wordless Wednesday

2009-03-25T22:25:00.001-06:00

Dinner and Dancing

2009-03-23T20:09:00.006-06:00

Violet loves music, and loves to dance to it. We have tunes playing on the iPod system in the kitchen just about every night while Violet eats dinner - if we forget she's sure to remind us to put on her favorite song. Dance moves at the dinner table are pretty standard at our place. A couple of weeks ago, we were listening to a new Putomayo CD we'd recently picked up (World Playground) as she dined, and she couldn't resist this Celtic song:

(Having finally worked out the kinks to the process of posting video, I wanted to share this clip. We're really not much into videography, though - I promise I have no intentions of incessantly posting footage of Violet's every adorable antic.)

Wordless Wednesday

2009-03-18T06:00:00.002-06:00

As Promised: Violet in Action

2009-03-15T18:49:00.002-06:00

We bought our first digital video camera about a year ago, but it hasn't yet seen much use. With the SLR ever-present, it's just been easy to overlook. We're trying to make more of an effort these days. This age is just so entertaining!

Beyond just remembering to utilize this additional piece of equipment, though, there was the matter of figuring out how the hell to get what we did shoot onto the computer, and eventually onto the blog. It may not be rocket science, but it does take a little time, and with a full time job, a fledgling law firm, a photography habit, and a toddler, it took us a while to get to it. But we worked it all out this weekend, and we're excited to share some footage of Violet in action on her skis as an introduction to the video element of the blog. Grab some popcorn and enjoy!

Wordless Wednesday: Waiting for Dada

2009-03-11T12:39:00.002-06:00

Wordless Wednesday

2009-03-04T06:00:00.000-07:00

Garden Prep Gone Awry?

2009-03-02T13:28:00.007-07:00

No, we didn't go overboard getting the soil tilled for the upcoming growing season. We're getting a shinynew sewer line! It wasn't on the original agenda for this spring, but the raw sewage that flooded our basement a couple weeks ago prompted us to rearrange our priorities. For over a week now, our backyard has looked more like Beirut than Boise. Fortunately, we have plenty of playspace available right across the street at the schoolyard, so Violet isn't missing anything. And Atticus is hardly complaining about the several short walks he's been getting every day since his bathroom is under construction. Things are looking good for getting the yard put back together in time to get our garden in, but we'll be cutting it close. Which reminds me, I need to start ordering seeds . . .

Wordless Wednesday

2009-02-25T06:00:00.000-07:00

"More"

2009-02-21T20:56:00.005-07:00

This afternoon, once we were almost back to the lodge, we parked the Chariot and gave Violet the opportunity to ski again. She spent some time trying them out on her own, but what she was really interested in was a downhill run with Dada. He hauled her up a little hill and they cruised down together. Her response? "More."

Repeat three or four times and you have the end of our outing. I've got video, if only I could figure out how to post it. Until then:

Ski Baby

2009-02-20T09:20:00.013-07:00

We've been taking Violet out on the cross country trails with us since she was about six months old. She rides in the Chariot Cougar trailer (using the cross country ski conversion kit) and Eric pulls her behind him. Last year, she never lasted long before the ride lulled her to sleep, but this year, she's been soaking up a lot more of the scenery. We typically stop about halfway through our trek to let her get out and stretch her legs, and as soon as she's free, she heads striaght for our skis and tries to stand on them. Somebody's been paying attention!

After she showed interest in our skis a couple times, we decided to pick up a pair for her. On our way to the local resort last weekend, we found some just her size that strap right onto her snow boots. At the end of our stint that day, we pulled them out and let her give it a try.

Violet took to skiing without hesitation. Not at all unnerved by the strange sensation of sliding on boards attached to her feet (am I the only one who is unnerved by this? really?), she took her Dada's hands and took off. Of course she's not skating away from us just yet, but she had no trouble shuffling along with his help. When he held out a pole, parallel to the ground, for her to hang onto, she insisted on taking it from him to use as it was intended. Like I say . . . somebody's been paying attention.

Things really got exciting, though, when Eric decided to carry her up the little hill next to the lodge and ski down with her on her feet in front of him. Got himself a decent workout doing that four or five more times - at Violet's insistence - until she got too cold to stay out any longer. (Too cold by Mama's standards; Violet would've been there all afternoon if we'd left it up to her!) Now that she's had a taste of one of her Dada's favorite things, I don't know how eager she's going to be to spend her time on the mountain inside the Chariot. At least we can use it with the bikes a little longer. She's not old enough to start riding a bike, right? RIGHT??

Wordless Wednesday: Violet's First Haircut

2009-02-18T06:00:00.000-07:00

Wordless Wednesday

2009-02-11T06:00:00.000-07:00

Halfway There!

2009-02-06T11:03:00.011-07:00

On Violet's first birthday, I launched a year-long photo project: at least one photo of her a day, for 365 days. I post each day's image on Flickr, in a set I've titled Violet 365.

It's been quite an undertaking. Though many times I've found myself at bathtime/bedtime scrambling for a shot before the day is over, commiting to at least one capture a day has forced me to keep my camera close by, prepared for any photo op that might arise.

Enjoying her customary apple grocery shopping at the coop, November 5, 2008.

Doing a bit of her own shopping at the kids' market in the Discovery Center, January 17, 2009.

While the 365 photos are more snapshot than portrait, the project has also helped me improve some of my photography skills, through sheer repetition . . . and necessity. The onset of winter and its deficiency of daylight, for example, prompted my study of the Speedlite (external flash), and while I'll always prefer natural light, I'm so glad to be able to keep shooting even in its absence.

Hard to believe we're now more than halfway through! She's changed so much in the last 186 days, and I love that Violet 365 has documented so many of those changes, from her first steps to her first friend. Only 179 days to go . . . and I look forward to finding out what each of them will bring.

A few recent favorites:

Headed for the bath, January 28, 2009.

Hugging her baby doll, January 30, 2009.

Wordless Wednesday

2009-02-04T06:00:00.002-07:00

High School Reunion

2009-02-02T14:20:00.004-07:00

BFF. Could the preteen girls Mandy, Ginger and I were when we referred to each other that way - best friends forever - envision what that would look like in our 30s? When we were all married, all mothers?

It looked like this:

After more than seven years (the last time the three of us were all together in one place: my wedding), we met up in Dallas for five days after Christmas. Ginger, who now lives in Guam, was stateside with her husband Allen and baby Fern, and Mandy and I traveled from Oklahoma and Idaho, respectively, to Ginger's parents' place in Dallas . . . a much more manageable trip than the 24+ hour series of flights it takes to reach Guam.

Though we haven't really been able to hang out in recent years, we've stayed close (thank goodness for unlimited cell phone minutes). As soon as we were back together, it felt like we'd been living around the corner from each other, as we had growing up, all along. Fortunately, some things, like feeling right at home in the Haddock's kitchen and never running out of things to talk about with my oldest girlfriends, haven't changed.

Obviously some things have changed, though, the most significant being that we're all mamas now. Mandy's girls are the oldest of the group: Madeline is five and Lola is two. Violet is nine months younger than Lola, and ten months older than Fern, Ginger's baby girl. Watching the four of them together was so much fun, and watching my friends as mothers was even better. Despite distance and obvious differences in our day-to-day lives, Ginger, Mandy and I are so in sync when it comes to parenting. They are one of my most valuable resources on all things baby-related; we can spend hours discussing everything from how to fix stinky cloth diapers to whether kids really need cow's milk. They may be thousands of miles away, but they are as much a part of my life today as they were when we practically - or actually! - lived together.

It was a wild few days, though not in the college bar-scene way. These days, the craziness comes from trying to coordinate 3 or 4 different nap schedules and still make it out of the house before five o'clock. Our New Year's celebration consisted of a champagne toast with Ginger's parents, Fern and Violet asleep asleep in Ginger's and my arms as the clock struck twelve. It was nothing like it used be, and better than we ever could have imagined. We can't wait to do it again.

The next generation, left to right: Lola, Maddy, and Violet.

Wordless Wednesday

2009-01-28T09:17:00.001-07:00

Baby, Give Me a Sign

2009-01-26T14:36:00.007-07:00

Violet has a lot to say. She’ll chatter animatedly to any available audience . . . she just doesn’t include many recognizable words in her conversation. At 17 months, her verbal vocabulary consists of "mama" and "dada," "hi," "baby," "no," and variations of "cat," "nose," "belly button," "cracker," "I see you," and "Casey" (her favorite friend). But she isn't limited in communicating by language - she can sign!

We started baby sign language with Violet when she was about 7 months old. Initially, we introduced just a few signs associated with her favorite activities: nursing and eating. She picked up the sign for “all done” first (waving her hands away from her body), providing a conclusion to mealtime we much preferred over the previous method of dumping whatever was left on the floor. Next, she added a sign for “drink,” adapting our example of a thumb to the lips to pointing with her index finger at her mouth while tilting her head back.

Other signs, like her sign for “nurse,” she created all on her own. I had been demonstrating a version of the sign for nurse that used a sweeping motion of a flat hand from the shoulder down over the breast, symbolizing letdown. Violet never picked up the sign I showed her, instead coming up with something entirely different: her sign for “nurse” is an index finger pointing into the middle of her opposite palm. Emphatically. It's similar to another version of the sign for "more" - which makes sense since nursing is the one thing she always wans to do more of - but ultimately what sign is used to represent any particular concept doesn’t matter as long as we know what she means.

Signing "sleep."

Recognizing and responding to your child’s needs is a fundamental principle of the AP philosophy; sign language provides our baby an additional tool for expressing those needs when she can’t find the words. It also allows her to tell us about what she’s observing and experiencing – signing “dog” when we pass one on the sidewalk or hear barking outside, signing “hot” to describe her dinner as steam rises off the plate.

Violet has about 20 signs in her regular repertoire now, and she makes good use of each of them. We continue to show her signs for common objects or things she shows a special interest in, letting her decide which she wants to add to her “vocabulary.” Even as she can speak more words, she may continue to pick up additional signs and “talk” to us in a combination of words and signs. Whatever she wants to say, and however she chooses to “say” it, we’re listening.

Adapted from original post at API Speaks, January 8th 2009.

Changing the Subject

2009-01-23T06:00:00.005-07:00

Violet got a break from her role as model and muse last weekend when she spent the day with Grandma and Grandpa, freeing up both me and my dining room for a maternity photo shoot with my friend Leslie and her family. We set up the seamless next to Violet's play kitchen, which kept Leslie's almost four year old, Sienna, happy in between shots.

It was nothing like my sessions with Violet, who I couldn't pose if I wanted to. Typically, I wouldn't want to, because I prefer to capture her more candidly, but I'll admit it was nice (if a little nerve-wracking) to be able to give my subjects some direction. It was a great opportunity for me to work outside of my comfort zone, and so much fun to be a part of memorializing this family as they wait for their newest member to arrive!

Of course I couldn't resist shooting a few more frames of Sienna as we wrapped up the session - is this kid photogenic or what?

Thanks again, Leslie and family!

Wordless Wednesday: Change Has Come to America

2009-01-21T06:00:00.000-07:00

For No-Cry Solutions for Common Parenting Challenges, Check with Elizabeth Pantley

2009-01-16T15:48:00.005-07:00

I first encountered the gentle guidance of Elizabeth Pantley when I added The No-Cry Sleep Solution to the stack of books on baby sleep that grew beside my bed during Violet's infancy. As Violet grew, but the length of her sleep sessions did not, I thumbed desperately through its pages in search of a remedy to her restlessness. While in reading it I never discovered the silver bullet I'd hoped to find (I'm not sure there is such thing as a compassionate quick fix for sleep at those stages), what I did take away was what I really needed: reassurance that someday my baby would sleep longer than three quarters of an hour, without our resorting to strategies we weren't comfortable with.

Pantley's approach is the antithesis to perhaps better-known "baby-trainers" like Ferber and Weissbluth - worse yet, Ezzo - who are adamant that every baby is the same and should sleep on the same schedule. Instead, Pantley understands that babies are individuals, and should be respected and responded to as such, even at night. Since she also recognizes that prolonged sleep deprivation can be painful (putting it mildly) for parents, she proposes a plan for helping ease little ones into sleeping longer stretches in a way that the whole family can live with.

Fortunately for the child-centered set, Pantley has provided additional advice on tough topics in her other books: The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers; The No-Cry Potty Training Solution; The No-Cry Discipline Solution; and her latest - The No-Cry Nap Solution: Guaranteed Gentle Ways to Solve All Your Naptime Problems. Each of these volumes adds a much-needed AP perspective to conventional parenting literature; I look forward to adding several to my own bookshelf.

Wordless Wednesday: Winter

2009-01-14T06:00:00.000-07:00

The Sleep Saga Goes On . . .

2009-01-13T07:00:00.001-07:00

As I was dropping Violet off at daycare one morning last week, I responded to a fellow parent's innocent inquiry as to how I was doing with an honest "I'm tired." Violet, never a sound sleeper, has been even more restless the past few weeks, and it's taken a toll on Eric and me. After a year and half of living with a baby with high nighttime needs, we can withstand a significant sleep deprivation, but the holidays (and the four new teeth that came with them) seemed to amplify our issues. By the second week in January, we were back to the all-night nurse-a-thons we thought we'd left behind months ago.

Historically, Violet’s sleep patterns have been inconsistent enough to give us the occasional reprieve. A few nights of waking to nurse only once or twice could restore us sufficiently to withstand the less peaceful episodes that were sure to follow. But last week we realized we – more accurately I - wasn’t going to be able to ride this most recent regression out. Violet had appointed me her human pacifier, refusing to sleep without being latched on. Though I am more patient as a parent than I ever imagined I could be, I have my limits, and we had reached them.

So when this friendly father said "how are you?" I told him: I'm tired. The adorable, energetic toddler you just saw me waving goodbye to is up at least every hour these days. In my experience, such confessions are often met with a well-intentioned explanation of when and how the person I'm speaking with applied the cry-it-out technique with their own child, and how well they've been sleeping ever since. This conversation was no exception. But while I appreciate the suggestion, and I certainly envy the image of uninterrupted sleep, I'm still not comfortable with the concept of "cry it out."

Eric and I agreed we needed to do something differently, but weren’t willing to resort to letting Violet cry it out alone. Instead, we decided it was time for her to (partially) nightwean. At seventeen months, she no longer needs to nurse for nutrition overnight, and though we hated to remove that source of comfort, her increasing dependence on it was making the family bed unbearable. We were familiar with Dr. Jay Gordon’s gentle approach to nightweaning, and using it as a guide decided to designate the hours of 10 pm – 5 am as “time to sleep,” during which we would offer Violet comfort in any form except nursing.

For a few nights, I left the room when she woke, so as not to further frustrate her. Eric could soothe her in my absence by letting her lay on top of him, but we soon saw that while that was effective at settling her, ultimately we weren't making any progress at getting her to sleep unattached to one of us. Last night, we took the option of Dada's chest off the table, and the nightweaning began in earnest. Denied her two preferred sleep associations, Violet protested first angrily, and eventually with heartbreaking, hiccuping sobs. But as she struggled, we stayed beside her, rubbing her back, singing softly, whispering in her ear. Eventually she fell asleep, nestled between us.

We expect it to take Violet some time to adjust to this new nighttime routine, and we are committed to working through that with her. We also understand that nightweaning may not reduce her nightwaking (though certainly that is the hope). But even if she continues to wake frequently, nightweaning will allow us to identify other ways to soothe her back to sleep that will afford us more flexibility in our nighttime parenting. In the meantime, we'll accept any peacefully sleeping baby vibes sent our direction.

For inspiration:

One More Reason Why I Don’t Rely on the FDA: Melamine in US Infant Formula

2009-01-09T16:23:00.002-07:00

I don’t consider myself a conspiracy theorist, but I admit I don’t trust a lot of the information our government offers on matters of health and safety. Of course I’m not suggesting the FDA and the CDC are out to get us, but the evidence of industry’s significant influence over such agencies is disconcerting, to say the least. I’ll save my favorite example - the story of the conflicts of interest discovered in FDA and CDC vaccine advisory committees for its own post on another day; suffice it to say, my inquiry into the risks and benefits of anything I'm considering for my daughter NEVER ends with "according to the FDA . . ."

So when I heard yesterday that the FDA says the amount of the toxic chemical melamine detected in U.S. baby formula is safe, I wasn’t entirely convinced. Last summer, more than 50,000 Chinese babies were sickened after drinking formula contaminated with melamine. Shortly thereafter, the FDA stated that it wasn’t able to establish ANY level of melamine and melamine-related compounds in infant formula that did not raise public health concerns. The agency also assured the American public that there was no known threat of contamination of formula manufactured by companies approved to sell formula in the U.S. That was the last anyone heard from the FDA on the subject until the Associated Press filed a Freedom of Information Act request requiring the FDA to disclose that it had found trace amounts of melamine in formula and nutritional supplements sold in the U.S. Consumer groups have questioned whether the information would ever have been released absent the FOIA request.

The FDA’s reticence on the issue hardly inspires confidence. Many Americans rely on government agencies like the FDA to protect them from harmful products, assuming that if it’s on the shelf it’s been approved by the FDA and so must be safe. Instead, the FDA seems to be sitting on information that may affect the most vulnerable among us. And the agency’s concurrent statement that the amounts detected in the U.S. formula were “trace amounts” which it considered to be “perfectly fine” for infants? Quite a departure from the agency’s original position that it could not identify any amount of melamine as safe for infant consumption. Color me skeptical.

Now that the word is out, the FDA appears to have been more forthcoming on the subject. Earlier this week, it revealed that melamine and byproduct cyanuric acid have now been detected in more containers of infant formula - twice as many as were reported in November. (Results of FDA testing for melamine in formula can be viewed here. Additionally, formula manufacturer Abbott Laboratories (makers of Similac) has also said that it detected trace levels of melamine in its formula. Whether the trace amounts of melamine discovered in any of these samples of formula would be harmful to a baby and how is uncertain, but I’m certainly not taking the FDA’s declaration that it is as the last word.

Melamine isn’t something I’d want to mess around with. A chemical commonly used in plastics and adhesives, it has been found in food products, usually added to increase nitrogen content which makes the protein content appear higher. For example, in the Chinese formula that made such news last summer, water was added to raw milk to increase volume, and melamine added to mask the lower protein content of the end product formula. Melamine can also get into food products through packaging or from a cleaning solution used on some food processing equipment. While no studies have been conducted on human subjects, animal tests demonstrate adverse health effects such as bladder stones and kidney stones which can lead to kidney failure and even death. Melamine has also been shown to have a carcinogenic effect on animals.

The levels of melamine in the Chinese formula that harmed so many children there were higher than those in the U.S. formula tested by the FDA (which the FDA believes was contaminated in the manufacturing process, rather than added intentionally), but it’s not clear to me how the FDA arrived at the conclusion that the levels in U.S. formula are safe for consumption by little bitty babies, especially with respect to long term effects. Hopefully more information will become available now that melamine is on the public’s radar. As to how reliable that information might be . . . I’ll be considering the source.

Wordless Wednesday á la Jaws 3

2009-01-07T06:00:00.000-07:00

Catching Up

2009-01-05T21:32:00.007-07:00

December seemed to blow through as quickly as the snowstorm that besieged Boise last night. Holiday preparation, travel, and the holidays themselves consumed us, leaving other activities like blogging (and posting the daily Flickr photo, and walking the dog . . . ) neglected in their wake. We're now working our way through all that was pushed aside the past few weeks - including photos of all the festivities. We managed to take the Monkey out for a long overdue stroll on Sunday, so there's hope for the rest. In the meantime, here's a shot from this year's holiday album:

Violet goes sledding.

Wordless Wednesday: Happy Holidays

2008-12-24T06:00:00.002-07:00

Wordless Wednesday: Let It Snow

2008-12-17T11:11:00.001-07:00

Wordless Wednesday

2008-12-10T07:00:00.001-07:00

The Way It's Supposed to Be

2008-12-08T14:54:00.003-07:00

I’m lying on my back on a yoga mat in a dimly lit room. At the conclusion of an hour-long class, we are settling into savasana: relaxation pose. The instructor’s voice, soft and low, melts into the new-age music, a smooth melody of soothing as she guides us.

“Relax your hips, your back . . . let them sink into the floor,” she sighs. “Notice your breathing, let each breath be soft, full and easy.”

I inhale slowly through my nose, filling my belly first - and WHOOSH! that air rushes back out as my fifteen month-old daughter bounces all of her twenty-two pounds on my midsection. The instructor’s gentle cues to completely relax are quickly drowned out by our giggles. Violet sits on my stomach, grinning, and bounces again, and I grin right back at her. More giggles ensue. Mommy and Me yoga, much like the rest of motherhood, does not follow a script.

This may be the biggest adjustment I’ve had to make since becoming a mama. I am admittedly Type A; I like things the way they’re supposed to be. I’ve lived most of my adult life the way you’re “supposed to:” following college with law school and a professional career, marrying my like-minded and motivated love along the way. We planned for Violet the way we planned every other part of our lives. We meticulously designed every detail of her nursery, read up on newborn care, and imagined ourselves gazing down lovingly as she cooed in her crib. I even made plans for my maternity leave, assuring a friend from work I’d visit regularly – we’d lunch while my little one snoozed, I told her.

Enter Violet. She had different plans. As an infant, she insisted on being in-arms at all times; she certainly wouldn’t sleep any other way, so the nursery we had worked so hard on remained unoccupied. She needed to nurse nearly every hour around the clock, and during the colicky episodes she suffered almost every evening, we could only comfort her if we stood next to a very loud vacuum cleaner. I had lunch with my friend only once, and not at the park as we’d planned, but in my living room, where she found me desperate and bedraggled, a newborn wrapped to my chest. There were a lot of tears those first few months, and many of them were mine. This, I thought, was definitely not the way it was supposed to be.

I struggled with this new chaotic existence, flailed and fought to force it into some semblance of order. Although I was with my daughter all the time, and doing all the things for her I believed I should - nursing her on demand, responding to her cries, keeping her physically close - my preoccupation with regaining control over my world kept me from being truly present in much of it. Often I was too busy formulating our next sleep strategy to appreciate each of her soft sighs as she snuggled into my neck. Something had to change. I didn’t want to miss any more of my baby’s babyhood wishing it away.

Eventually I realized that what needed to change was me. I wanted to give my daughter what she most deserved, and I hadn’t yet been able to offer: my presence. I began making a conscious effort when I was with her to stop my mind from racing ahead to the next ten things I needed to do. I focused instead on letting go of what I thought should be and simply being in the moment. It’s an effort I must renew every day. It isn’t always easy, but it is absolutely worth it; I have enjoyed so much with my daughter I might otherwise have missed.

I am still the same person in many ways; I still like lists and schedules, logic and analysis. And there is a place for all that in parenting, but I now know that the most important parts of motherhood can’t be planned. Life, like our yoga routine, may not proceed as I originally envisioned, but the way it is . . . well, that’s exactly the way it’s supposed to be.

This post was originally submitted as an entry in the API Speaks AP Month essay contest. It was voted the #2 favorite, scoring me a one year membership to Attachment Parenting International, and an excerpt will be featured in the Spring 2009 issue of the Attached Family magazine. Thanks to all who voted!

Our Little Audubon Artiste

2008-12-06T14:23:00.016-07:00

Our refrigerator has recently assumed the nobler purpose of displaying Violet's artwork. Her daycare provides the kids the opportunity to try all sorts of art projects, from painting with spoons to creating a collage with different types of tape. This latest masterpiece was a product of painting with small sponge rollers.

At first glance, it might look like the sort of abstract art you would expect from a 16 month old. But look closer, and her true genius is revealed:

I could spend my whole life in front of an easel and never paint a more perfect talon. Seriously, check it out up close:

Of course we considered the possibility that this could be a Jesus-in-the breakfast-toast sort of fluke. But that's clearly not the case, because when you look at the whole piece, it's obviously a red tail hawk, swooping down on its prey. Look again:

See? It's unmistakable. And we're not biased . . . just the humble parents of an undeniably gifted artist.

Wordless Wednesday

2008-12-03T07:00:00.000-07:00

This Ain't No Butterball

2008-11-28T20:28:00.005-07:00

Though this wasn't Violet's first Thanksgiving, it was the first time she got to partake of the food that defines the occasion. So we put extra care into the menu this year, particularly with respect to the centerpiece of the meal: the turkey.

Turkey breeds (and breeding) are not a subject I'd put much thought into until I read Barbara Kingsolver's Animal, Vegetable, Miracle this summer. An account of Kingsolver's own family's year of living as "locavores," the book brought ideas about eating locally - and more specifically, eating heritage and heirloom varieties of local produce and livestock - into the sphere of my interest in healthy eating. Starting with our T-day turkey.

The turkey on the typical American Thanksgiving table is a Broadbreasted White turkey. If you're not familiar with the Broadbreasted White (I wasn't), it's a type of turkey bred specifically to get really big, really fast. So big that, if it weren't slaughtered before it was one year old, its legs would collapse under the weight of its disproportionately large breast. Breeders of Broadbreasted Whites breed not only for this deformity, but also for complete docility (they're too heavy to fly, and a less placid bird might be frustrated by this inability) and sadly, stupidity. Ignorance is bliss, right? These turkeys are so stupid they've been reported to drown when looking up too long when it's raining. Their ridiculous size and absolute idiocy prevent them from being capable of breeding themselves, so they must be artificially inseminated and the hatchlings raised in incubators.

Ew. Nothing about that sounds natural. There are alternatives, but not many . . . and if they aren't supported, not for long. Already 99 percent of the 400 million turkeys Americans consume each year are Broadbreasted Whites. We wanted to find a local farmer raising a more natural breed of turkey in a natural, pastured setting rather than a cage. Enter Jack, at Homegrown Poultry in New Plymouth, Idaho.

I reached Jack through a contact I met at our Saturday Farmer's Market, and he had just what I was looking for - an Heirloom Bronze turkey, bred without test tubes and raised by an actual turkey in an actual pasture (until it could fly out of said pasture and required retrieval from the neighbor's several times a week). Purchasing our Thanksgiving bird from Jack served several purposes: supporting a local farmer, preserving a heritage breed, and providing a pasture-raised, organic turkey for our daughter's first Thanksgiving.

Violet very much enjoyed Jack's turkey along with stuffing, mashed potatoes, yams, green beans and carrots; she polished off a healthy portion of each, and was ready for seconds. We offered her a taste of both pumpkin and chocolate pie for dessert, and true to form, she turned up her nose at both. The rest of the crowd was less discriminating with respect to the sweets but also seemed satisfied with the bird. More gamebird than corn-fed couch potato, it was chewier than our traditional turkey, but still moist and even more flavorful. We'll be back, Jack!

Wordless Wednesday

2008-11-26T06:32:00.001-07:00

Four-legged Family Tree

2008-11-24T21:19:00.055-07:00

My parents lost their beloved cat, Stewball, to kidney failure this past weekend. Though we haven’t lived under the same roof for more than 10 years, Stewball and his sister Puff hold a special place in my personal pet history. They weren’t the first strays I brought home - my apologies, again, Dad, for the flea-infested spaniel I invited into your back seat . . . oh, and the sodden shepard I schlepped across the state, also in your back seat - but they were the first who stayed.

They weren’t the first pets I ever kept, of course. I had a caterpillar (for about 4 hours), goldfish and guinea pigs and other small mammals. But I longed for a dog. Also a cat. Unfortunately, my father was violently allergic to both. Moving beyond companions that require caging looked unlikely, until the third grade, when desperation drove me to threaten to kill myself if we didn’t get a dog. That move scored me a border collie mix (Tippy) and a shrink (Dr. Schwartz). My parents were relieved when Dr. Schwartz assured them I wasn't actually suicidal, I just REALLY wanted a dog.

I should have been satisfied. But I REALLY wanted a cat, too. I indulged many of my animal loving impulses volunteering with animal rescue groups and working as a kennel attendant (aka pooper scooper) at a veterinary hosiptal. When two tiny kittens were abandoned there, I should have enjoyed them on the clock, leaving them available for adoption by any one of the many families who are always looking for tiny kittens. Instead, I brought them home and hid them in my closet.

At sixteen, I wasn't quite naive enough to believe my parents wouldn't notice. I just needed my mom - a lifelong cat lover who hadn't owned one since marrying my dad - to notice them first. This scheme was a grand success.: my dad was no match for my mom, my sister, me, and two tiny kittens. We named them Stewball and Puff, after the Peter, Paul and Mary songs he used to sing to us every night when we were smaller.

Stewball was most attached to my parents, and Puff to my sister, Kristin, so when I headed off to college the cats stayed at home. (Puff and Kristin have stayed together through Kristin's many moves since.) Once out on my own, I was finally free to accumulate animals without restriction. I started with Elliott, a Rhodesian Ridgeback who slept in my bed and shared my ice cream for several years.

Elliott and I shared a small duplex with a Chihuahua mix named Charles for awhile,

After finding a forever home for Charles, we welcomed Tiberius, a Rottweiler mix, for a few months.

My best friend Ginger and her cat, Jack, shacked up with us for a stretch.

Once I learned that Elliott adored cats, I adopted Rourke.

While in college, I continued to work at vet hospitals, which made aquiring new animals all too easy. Rourke was soon joined by Seymour.

And then Keller.

With Elliott finally past puppyhood, I was ready to add another dog to the menagerie, and brought home Romney, my first Dane. Although he'd gotten along well with other dogs until then, once Elliott determined Romney wasn't temporary, he became increasingly aggresive. Despite months of work with a dog trainer to overcome some dangerous issues, I couldn't bring him around. Romney already had a number of health problems, and so wasn't a good candidate for rehoming. Eventually I placed Elliott with another family with the stipulation that he remain an only dog; he thrived with them. Romney never seemed to mind sharing me or our home with an unfamiliar furry face, so after Elliott left us, I signed up to foster through the animal shelter and another local rescue group, and we became something of a revolving-door pet hostel.

First, we fostered Ezra.

And Ezra's sister, Kiri.

Then Sophie,

and her six puppies:

Oscar,
Emmett,Linus,Roscoe,Emma,and Gus.

We fostered for friends, too. Eli, a bullmastiff, who looked like a short, stumpy version of Romney.

And Willow, a husky/wolf mix who loved nothing more than to wake me in the morning by laying his cat litter-matted muzzle on my pillow.

It was a fur-filled few years (at one point I lived with 3 adult dogs, 6 puppies, and 5 cats in 1100 square feet).Other foster animals who weren't with us as long - Annie, the Dobie mix; Bob, the Pit Bull; and Ubu, the cat who never came out from under the bed - didn't make it into the family album, but they all left their mark on my heart.

Eric and I met in the midst of all this, and his embrace of my menagerie of mutts made me love him all the more. Eventually, after graduating from law school, getting married, and moving across the country, we settled down with our permanent pooch, Romney, and two cats.

Esme

and Anthem.

About four years ago, we decided it was time to liven things up again and Atticus (aka "The Monkey") joined our family. Romney patiently endured Atticus' puppyhood, shielding us from the worst of razor-sharp puppy teeth and playful swipes of paw. He was a magnificant friend to our whole family, the gentlest of giants. We lost him to liver cancer three years ago, and we still miss him every day.

These days, our house feels full with one busy toddler, two clingy cats, and one very needy Great Dane. Fortunately, they all get along exceptionally well. Violet understood "gentle touches" early on, and she lavishes the animals with them. She and Anthem adore each other; whenever we're nursing in the same room he's in, he'll lie down beside her or at her feet, and she'll reach out and stroke him while she nurses. She's become quite attached to Atticus recently, too, and now must go and say goodbye to him each morning before we leave (he doesn't get out of bed until much later). Though even just three pets can border on chaotic when compounded by a kid, it's absolutely worth it to watch them with her. Now to remind myself of that the next time the dog slobbers on her dinner tray . . .

In memory of Stewball, 1991-2008

Think About It

2008-11-21T07:00:00.000-07:00

The decisions we make for our daughter today may affect her for a lifetime in more ways than one, which, in my opinion, makes them some of the most important and far-reaching we will ever be faced with. And yet, it seems that many people are willing to put more time into researching vacation destinations or what car to buy than into questions like what to feed their children (and why) or whether or not to vaccinate them, and if so how (selectively? delayed? or according to the standard schedule?).

It’s easy to defer to other people with some authority – real or perceived – especially on such intimidating subjects. The pediatrician, the self-proclaimed “expert” author of a popular book, or even our parents might offer an easy answer. Certainly following their advice is convenient, and provides a sense of assurance that we made the “right” choice. But while other people can contribute valuable information to the analysis, ultimately the responsibility for decisions made for our daughter rests with me and my husband. It’s a responsibility we take seriously, and not one we’re willing to delegate.

That parenting should be a conscious and thoughtful process is very much a part of the AP philosophy. Every child is different, and there is no one-size-fits-all approach that will work for each of them. Accordingly, the principles of attachment parenting don’t prescribe specific techniques or conclusions for most issues parents must consider, but rather reminds them to educate themselves and make informed choices about what’s best for their children instead of simply accepting conventional parenting practices without question. My best AP friend and I may have ultimately made different decisions about which vaccinations our kids would receive - or whether they’d receive them at all - but both were made after careful consideration of our individual children and circumstances and with all the information we could reasonably collect. What’s important is not necessarily the final determination, but the thoughtful inquiry and awareness that led to it.

My husband and have been accused of over-thinking many of the decisions we make for our daughter; I’ve been known to plow through several sources on a subject before I’m ready to settle on a course of action (my personal parenting library definitely reflects which issues I struggle with the most). It’s been pointed out to me that “not everyone reads as much as you do.” True. But we’re not talking about curling up with a glass of wine and a good novel here. We’re talking about the choices we’re making for our child. Shouldn’t those merit a certain amount of attention from parents?

Originally posted at API Speaks, November 10, 2008.

Wordless Wednesday

2008-11-19T06:05:00.000-07:00

Pinot Noir and the Pillsbury Dough Boy

2008-11-17T10:19:00.003-07:00

What could those two things possibly have in common? You'll find them both in my answers to The Favourite Meme Annie at Phd in Parenting tagged me with this weekend!

THE FAVOURITE MEME. Fill in your favourite for each of the following:

1. Political show Countdown with Keith Olbermann - love his scathing Special Comments.

2. Picnic food Heavenly Apricot Cobbler Bars.

3. Mixed drink Mixed drinks aren’t really my thing, but you can hardly go wrong putting something yummy like Bailey’s in coffee. That’s a mixed drink, right?

4. U.S. President Is it too soon to say Obama?

5. Kind of student to teach The kind who genuinely wants to learn about what you’re teaching.

6. Hobby you do or wish you still did Photography. Exhibit A:

7. Sports commentator I’m going to go with Keith Olbermann, even though he isn’t a sports commentator anymore, because he used to be and he’s the only sports commentator I know of. I don’t watch sports at all. Not even the Olympics. Just doesn’t do a thing for me.

8. Sport to watch on TV See above.

9. Animal to have as a pet Despite how needy our Dane is, I have to say dog. But cats run a close second.

10. Halloween costume you have worn The Pillsbury dough boy!

11. Kind of dessert Gotta be creme brulee.

12. Comic strip Wow, I haven’t read a comic strip in years and years. When I was a kid, my Grandma bought me every Garfield book that ever came out, and I loved those. Garfield it is.

13. Style or make of footwear Ugg boots. So cozy.

14. Ice cream flavor Ben and Jerry’s Chocolate Almond Nougat. Yum.

15. College or university president It’s probably best if I refrain from answering this one. I read Dooce, you know.

16. Internet news source MSNBC.

17. Vacation spot Charlotteville, Tobago.

18. Wine Anything red will do, but I’m partial to Pinot Noir.

19. Way to waste time instead of working I have to agree with Annie, I don’t believe that time spent not working is time wasted. But I do enjoy “wasting time” curled up on the couch with Eric, watching a good episode of Criminal Minds.

20. Student excuse for late work Sounds like this Meme started in somewhere in education! I’ve never had any students, but my favorite excuse for late work from staff would have to be “I had a baby!”

21. Reality show Top Chef! A new season just started last week and we’re stoked.

22. Jewelry on a man His wedding band (my husband’s, anyway).

23. Pizza topping Spinach, artichokes, mushrooms, olives and pepperoncinis.

24. Children’s movie I have loved Escape from Witch Mountain ever since I was little. I watched it again last year, and it’s as good as I remembered. The Black Stallion, not so much.

25. Celebrity you wish would retire Sarah Palin. Please.

Now it's my turn to tag some fellow parenting bloggers! Jolene, Scylla, I'm passing this Meme torch to you two.

Celebrate Babywearing! International Babywearing Week

2008-11-14T15:39:00.005-07:00

November 12 – 18 is the first annual International Babywearing Week – what better time to tout the benefits of babywearing? People in all sorts of cultures have worn babies for centuries. It’s a rewarding practice, for both kids and caregivers, not just emotionally but practically; without my Hug-A-Bub wrap carrier and Rockin’ Baby pouch, I might never have gotten out of the recliner the first few months of Violet’s life.

Babies thrive on closeness and human contact, and many are distressed without it. “Babywearing” – carrying your baby next to your body in some sort of cloth carrier – can be a tremendous source of comfort to a newborn. A baby carrier mimics the womb in many ways; rhythmic sounds like the wearer’s heartbeat and breath echo the baby’s experience in utero, and the gentle motion of the wearer’s walking feels just like old times. Going for a walk wearing Violet never failed to lull her to sleep in the early days. Even now, she’ll succumb if she’s tired and we’ve been walking awhile.

Sure, there are other accessories available for containing your kid or toting her around. But a cloth carrier keeps your baby close to you, instead of at arm’s length. I’m not sure when the Western notion that babies should be content to be left lying alone - whether in a crib, a swing, or a bouncer - 75% of their infancy became so commonly and casually accepted, but I’ve got to admit I don’t agree with it. (Neither does most of the rest of the world.) More importantly, that wasn’t what my baby needed, and she wasn’t afraid to tell me so. Violet protested pretty much any time she wasn’t in someone’s arms, so it was fortunate we were enthusiastic about wearing her; I had our coat rack covered with a wrap, 2 pouches and a ring sling even before she was born. She was in the Hotsling just hours after we brought her home, where she snoozed in a cradlehold while I tried to keep crumbs from our favorite pizza off of her forehead.

In addition to calming her in infancy, wearing Violet has allowed us to share so much with her. In a carrier, she can watch whatever we’re doing and we can interact easily. Recently, she rode in the ring sling as we browsed the farmer’s market, and her position on my hip allowed her to see so much more than she could have seen through the legs of all the other locals out that Saturday morning had she been in a stroller (it was much easier for me to maneuver, as well). It also gave us a much better opportunity to snuggle as we shopped, pointing out fruits and vegetables and anything else that caught our eyes. Because she can walk now, she spends less time in a carrier, but I look forward to wearing her on occasion for some time to come. We’ve got a Connecta carrier I’m looking forward to using for back carries with our Peekaru this winter!

As good as I believe babywearing has been for Violet, I feel compelled to point out that the benefits of babywearing aren’t all baby’s – for the parent, babywearing can provide you a great way to carry your baby (or toddler!) without wearing out your arms and wrecking the rest of your body because the carrier supports the baby’s weight and distributes it more evenly (something my neck, shoulders, and back were always grateful for). Even better, babywearing allows you to keep your baby close, but your hands free. Much can be accomplished while wearing a baby, from catching up on emails to cooking dinner!

For those interested in, and perhaps unfamiliar with, babywearing, TheBabyWearer.com is a fantastic resource (a permanent link can be found in the left sidebar). And if you’re patient, I’m planning to share more about specific types and brands of carriers we’ve tried in future posts. Happy International Babywearing Week!

Wordless Wednesday

2008-11-12T08:00:00.002-07:00

Don't Forget to Vote!

2008-11-10T14:31:00.008-07:00

No, this post isn't going up a week too late. The election may be over, but the API Attachment Parenting Month Photo and Essay contest polls are open until November 30. In the spirit of AP Month this October, I entered both. My photo (the shot of Eric and Violet at a wedding in September, above) wasn't selected as a finalist, but my essay is in the running. (I'll give you a hint: it's Essay #1.) Cast a vote for your favorite photo and essay on the theme "Giving Our Children Presence" here!

I've decided that though my photo submission for the contest may not have made it to the final four, I like it enough that a copy is going to go up in my office soon. While you're voting, how about helping me decide which version: the original color, or black and white? Leave your vote in the comments below.

Change

2008-11-07T20:23:00.007-07:00

This has certainly been the week for it! Some of it seemed to come more easily than expected: Obama’s win was announced while Eric was upstairs soothing a stirring Violet back to sleep - we hadn’t even finished dinner yet! After bracing ourselves for a night of nail-biting, it was almost anticlimactic. (The announcement, that is. The event itself was - and will remain - monumental on so many levels.)

But even before America elected its first black president, our baby girl was going through some big changes of her own. Monday morning was Violet's first day at her new daycare. The daycare she’d attended since I returned to work, Serenity Infant Care, is a small program providing care, as its name suggests, expressly to infants. At 15 months old and officially toddling, Violet was ready to move on to Toddler Care.

We’d heard amazing things from other parents about the place we had decided on and we were impressed with the program and providers on our initial visits, so Eric and I were excited for Violet to get started. But it was a bittersweet anticipation. After a year of attendance at Serenity, Violet and I were both pretty attached to its owner, Hayley, as well as the other little ones she’d spent so much time with.

A coworker with a six month old at home mentioned to me this week that his stay-at-home wife "couldn't imagine leaving her baby with a stranger." I know what she meant, and I'm sure not having experienced anything other than being at home with her baby, that must be how she imagines childcare. But fresh from a tearful goodbye from Hayley, I told him that our daycare provider had hardly been a stranger.

Maybe it was the unusual amount of time I was able to spend at Serenity with Violet that made me feel at home with Hayley. For the first few months, Violet refused to take my milk in a bottle from anyone, so I spent every lunch hour nursing her there at Serenity, hanging out with Violet and Hayley, Hayley's staff, and the other kids who kept them company. Even after Hayley’s patient persistence had eased Violet into eating for others, I found myself lingering there often. It was just a comfortable place to be.

But even more than the environment she has created (somehow 12 infants in fairly close quarters really can be serene), watching Hayley with Violet, and the other babies in her care, was a constant reassurance. She moves among them with a peaceful grace, responding to sniffles with snuggles, basking in babies like no one else I’ve ever observed. That she loved Violet was evident every time Hayley wrapped her arms around her, which made it all the harder to take Violet to anyone else, even though we all agreed she was ready.

Before Violet was scheduled to begin attending the toddler program, we spent several afternoons there with her introducing her to new caregivers, new friends, and a new setting. She was excited to explore it all, and became comfortable with the owner surprisingly quickly. Monday morning, Violet and I showed up for her first day. Shortly after we arrived she ventured away from me to check out a basket of blocks, and proceeded to make herself at home, checking out puzzles and the play kitchen. I hung back, letting her get familiar with things on her own, but happy to hand out hugs every time she swung my way. She was happy with this arrangement until it was time for me to go, and her to join her new contemporaries for breakfast. I gave her kisses and hugs, and settled her into Shana's arms before I left. She was crying as I closed the door; it took all my self-restraint not to rush back to her. I stopped just outside the door, waiting to hear her to stop. It didn't take long - less than a minute - but every parent knows than when your baby is crying, one minute can feel like a lifetime. Of course I called several times that day, and each time Violet's caregivers assured me that she was actually enjoying herself. I was relieved to see that with my own eyes when I arrived to pick her up . . . but of course I didn't mind when she dropped her snack as soon as she saw me and came running.

It's going to take some getting used to - for all of us - but overall, Violet's first week at EFTC seemed to go well. My departure is still a pretty traumatic experience for both of us, but she recovers quickly. She's already pretty attached to the primary provider, and warming up to the other caregivers already. She completed her first art project this week - a masterpiece of different types of tape. She also joined in group activities, devoured everything we sent for meals and snacks, and slept soundly every day at naptime (I'd love to learn their secret for that!).We wish President-elect Obama a similarly smooth transition!

Wordless Wednesday: Yes We Can!

2008-11-05T00:01:00.001-07:00

Happy Halloween!

2008-10-31T06:00:00.003-06:00

Violet didn't pick her costume out herself this year (I suspect this may be the last year that will be the case), but she did influence our choice. We wanted her to dress up as something she recognized, and she can definitely pick a cow out of a crowd. More importantly, it's the animal sound she knows best at this point. Her version of "Mooooooo?" "MMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!"

Happy Halloween!

Wordless Wednesday

2008-10-28T21:20:00.005-06:00

Fall Fun

2008-10-27T13:46:00.013-06:00

I'm a warm weather woman - I love sunshine on my shoulders and all the rest of it. I admit to lamenting the lapse of summertime every September, but I'm learning to love the rest of the seasons. This year, with Violet just over one year old, we're enjoying autumn traditions with a whole new perspective. Last weekend, her Utah grandparents joined us for some real fall recreation: a trip to the pumpkin patch.

Violet loved the tractor ride out to the field; on the way we passed a pasture full of turkeys, as well as the apple orchards Cabolo's Orchard offers in addition to the u-pick pumpkin patch we were headed to, where you can pluck your future jack-o-lantern right from the spot it where it grew. We snagged pumpkins for each of us, and picked up some squash and cantaloupe at their produce stand as well - all natural, as Cabolo's is a pesticide-free operation.

Sunday afternoon, we carved our pumpkin picks in the backyard. Violet, appointed judge of our friendly family competition, enthusiastically endorsed Eric's work; he also carved Violet's baby pumpkin. That's mine on the right. (Yes, I know its smile is slightly off-center. It was designed to be a quirky, endearing quality that would guarantee me the win. Apparently Violet prefers the conventional jack-o-lantern grin.)
All this and an adorable pumpkin hat, too? (Thanks, Mom!) I'm already looking forward to next fall.

We Can Do This In Our Sleep! Being Present All Through the Night

2008-10-24T14:06:00.006-06:00

Nightime has confronted us with some of the most challenging parenting moments we’ve faced so far, but being present for our now 14 month old daughter at three in the morning is just as important as it is at any more reasonable hour. Though it isn’t always as easy, or as pleasant, as engaging her in a silly song, or reading Counting Kisses again, she doesn’t stop needing us when the sun goes down.

Our nighttime parenting has evolved in response to our daughter’s needs – and our fumbling attempts to meet them.The day she was born, she never left our arms until after midnight, when we laid her carefully in the plastic bassinet the hospital provided before turning in ourselves. As we gazed down at our brand new baby girl, she spit up a little, and we froze at the terrifying idea that she could choke while we slept. Without further ado, I scooped her up and climbed into the bed, where she slept in my arms, nursing on and off the rest of the night.

When we brought her home the next day, we carefully attached an Arm’s Reach Cosleeper to our bed, eager for her to sleep close to us. We were aware of the benefits of co-sleeping– including decreased risk of SIDS – and the Cosleeper made us feel more comfortable about sleeping next to a newborn. But the first time we lowered our sleeping infant onto its thin mattress she awoke immediately, howling in protest. We tried again, gently easing her from our bodies to this space where we had intended for her to sleep, but she made it clear she had other ideas.

And so the Cosleeper was relegated to serving as a makeshift nightstand until its eventual relocation to storage in the basement, and we began the process of trying to determine how to help our baby sleep. As a newborn, she slept best semi-upright on our chests, so for several weeks (or maybe it was months? it all runs together now) we took turns sleeping with her in the overstuffed recliner I’d grudgingly come to love during the last months of my pregnancy. When she was five weeks old, we discovered she was suffering from acid reflux, which explained her profound discomfort at lying flat on her back. But even after she outgrew the reflux at about four months, we still couldn’t seem to coax her to sleep for any significant length of time.

We made sure she wore comfortable pjs, was clean and dry, and had a belly full of breastmilk before bedtime each night. We tried putting her down in her crib and in her swing, with white noise and without, swaddled and unswaddled, on her back and on her side, with the nightlight on and off. And each time, about an hour after she succumbed to sleep, she’d wake, and we would go try again.

We also tried co-sleeping, hopeful that being close to us would provide her some comfort, but found that such proximity only stimulated her to fight sleep in order to nurse frantically all night - I awoke more than once to a find a puddle of my milk pooled under her head. So we’d try variations of other arrangements again, which would allow her to sleep more peacefully, if not for long.

We didn’t expect her to sleep through the night at six weeks, or even six months, understanding that nightwaking is normal. We were more than willing to attend to her in the wee hours, and I was happy to nurse her more than once overnight. But months of hourly (and occasionally more frequent) waking was wearing us down. Frustrated and exhausted, we stumbled through our days and nights, and desperately searched books on baby sleep for a solution. The mainstream consensus was clear: our baby should be sleeping through the night by now, and if she wasn’t, we should ‘help’ her by leaving her to cry it out.

We considered that advice, but as I wrote in this post, quickly concluded that cry-it-out wasn’t compatible with the attachment parenting approach in which we believed. At some point, we accepted that there probably wasn’t a silver bullet for our sleep struggles. The answer to the question of what to do for our daughter, a restless sleeper with high nocturnal needs, was simple, and one we’d known all along: when she cried, we would respond. Every time. Sometimes I nursed her as soon as she stirred, sometimes her Dada snuggled with her or patted her bum softly until she drifted back into slumber. We continued to bring her into our bed, and finally, one night when she was almost eleven months old, she finished nursing, rolled over, and went to sleep. It was the first night she’d actually slept next to me without nursing for a few hours, and she hasn’t been back in her crib since.

Co-sleeping feels right for us. Though she still stirs often throughout the night, just being beside us seems to lengthen each stretch of snooze - finally we can comfort her without waking ourselves! And when she does arouse, if she isn’t easily soothed back to sleep, she nestles next to me and nurses, and we doze off together again. Of course there are nights when we find ourselves exasperated at the fact that we haven’t enjoyed a night of unbroken sleep for over a year, but we are committed to giving her our presence even when it isn’t easy to do so. And when the sun comes up on her sweet face between my husband and me, I wouldn’t want any of us to be anywhere else.

Originally posted at API Speaks October 14, 2008.

Wordless Wednesday: Swimming Lessons

2008-10-21T21:44:00.005-06:00

AP Carnival of Presence

2008-10-19T19:18:00.004-06:00

If you're looking for bearded ladies, you're not likely to come across any at API Speaks' Carnival of Presence. What you will find is a collection of posts on the AP Parenting Month theme "Giving Our Children Presence" from a variety of bloggers, including yours truly. Even in the absence of funnel cake, it's worth a visit. Enjoy!

Sign Us Up: Sometimes a Full Schedule Can Mean More Time For Each Other

2008-10-15T11:53:00.013-06:00

As working parents, the time we have to be physically present for our daughter is limited five days a week. Cosleeping affords us additional hours of closeness, but we’re unconscious for at least a few of those. Eric enjoys breakfast with her every morning, and I arrive at work later than I might otherwise like to most days because I’m having too much fun with her and her friends at daycare. But evenings offer us our best opportunity to spend quality time together. As October – Attachment Parenting Month – approached, I gave a lot of thought to the theme of “giving our children presence,” and wondered whether I was truly taking advantage of the hours I had with Violet after work . We did spend that time together, and I made sure some of it was spent giving her all of my attention, whether we read books, went for a walk, or played with the cat. But it was also easy to be distracted by housework, errands, and other chores, and as I reflected on the previous weeks, I realized I was spending almost as much time each night with an armload of laundry - Violet toddling behind me snagging the stray socks - as I was with my daughter in my arms . Time to refocus.

Eric and I had taken her to swimming lessons last spring, something we’d all loved. The program we’d previously attended no longer offered evening sessions, so I tracked down a new class at the local Y that was scheduled to start October 6. Perfect! Last Monday at 6:35, we were back in the water.

Violet took to it as quickly as she had the first time, all smiles even as the instructor cavorted between her and the other baby in attendance, splashing them in equal measure to get them accustomed to the aquatic environment. During our lessons six months ago, we worked primarily on teaching her to float on her back; this round has started out much more playfully, and we're having a blast with it. She's reaching for fun things floating around her, kicking her feet, riding around the pool on my chest, and holding on to the kickboard as I propel her through the water. On Monday, she even made her first trip down the slide!

We were having so much fun with swimming lessons, I figured why stop there? I'd been interested in checking out Mommy and Me yoga classes for a while, and now seemed like as good a time as any to give it a try. As luck would have it, the class I hoped to get into was starting this week. Scheduled for Tuesday nights, it fit neatly between our Monday and Wednesday trips to the pool, so I signed us up.

I can't say that I got much of a workout out of our first yoga class last night, but what I did get out of it was another hour of awesome interaction with my daughter. Some of the class was intended for mamas and babies together - we tried out several poses that incorporated our kids, and devoted time toward the end to baby massage. The rest of the yoga routine was more mama centered - though each of us sat back through parts of it to nurse our little ones. While we were participating, the kids were free to run around and check out each other as well as the toys we'd brought to satisfy their fleeting attention spans. Violet also enjoyed sitting beside me and imitating me: watching as I interlaced my fingers and stretched my arms upward, and then reaching her own arms high above her head. The conclusion of class called for us to lie on our mats, completely relaxed. Violet contributed by clambering on top of me to give me a kiss. I don't know about relaxation, but it sure felt good.

October has turned out to be a very busy month for us, but being busy isn't always a bad thing. In this instance, it's helped us to make sure we dedicate more of our time and ourselves to engaging our little girl, not just keeping her occupied. I don't know if we'll stick with such a packed schedule, but I hope that what we're doing now will serve as a valuable reminder even after classes are over to put everything else aside, at least some of the time, to focus entirely on spending time together. And when it's this much fun, why wouldn't we?

Wordless Wednesday: Dada's Home

2008-10-14T21:27:00.005-06:00

Share the Milk

2008-10-10T16:22:00.002-06:00

I posted recently about Violet giving up the bottle, thereby relieving me of the responsibility of pumping milk for her to drink while we were apart . . . and just in time, since my supply had dipped sufficiently in recent months that I was only pumping about half of what she drank in a day. We’ve been (she’s been) eating away at my freezer stash all summer, but when she decided she was done with the bottle, and she wasn’t interested in imbibing my milk from a cup either, I was left with a little over 100 ounces of frozen breastmilk and no baby to drink it. Until I found MilkShare.

MilkShare is a resource created to connect breastfeeding mothers willing to donate excess breastmilk to babies whose families aren’t able to produce enough for them on their own. Of course it would be more convenient to pick up a can of formula at the corner store, but families seeking donated milk through MilkShare recognize the unrivaled benefits of breastmilk, and are willing to work tirelessly to provide it to their children.

Less than an hour after I posted my introduction and offer to donate milk on the MilkShare Group message board, I received an email from a mama from a neighboring state with a little boy just a couple months younger than Violet. We began corresponding, forging an instant connection over our kids and other common interests, and making arrangements for the transport (thank goodness she’d done this before!).

When I checked my email later that evening, I discovered eight more families had responded to my post. The devotion of these parents (and in one case, a grandparent) to seek breastmilk for their babies was both inspiring and heartwrenching for me. I couldn’t help but wonder things like, “am I sending my milk to the baby who needs it the most?” I wrestled with that for a while before coming to the conclusion that every baby deserves breastmilk, and it’s not for me to say that any baby needs it ‘more.’ I just wish I had more to give.

My ‘milk baby’ just celebrated his first birthday, which means the milk I will be sending will be well-suited for him, since it was pumped just after Violet turned one (the composition of breastmilk changes over time to adapt to a baby’s changing nutritional needs). Due to damage to her milk ducts caused by surgery years before her little guy came along, his mama wasn’t able to produce enough milk for him on her own, but for the last year, she and her husband have dedicated themselves to providing him with breastmilk by seeking out donors like me.

Here’s how it will work: my milk baby’s mama sent me a cooler full of ice packs, freezer bags to replace the ones I had used, some gourmet organic chocolate, and explicit instructions from her husband on how to pack the milk to ensure it stays frozen as it makes its way to their little guy. On Monday, I’ll assemble it all (minus the chocolate!) and call for a FedEx pickup, and my milk will be on its way to another baby’s belly.

This is all be done with Violet’s approval, of course. Before I agreed to donate, I sat down with her in my lap, and told her there was another baby who needed mama’s milk, and would she mind sharing with him? She just grinned at me and signed to nurse, and I assured her that the milk that came straight from the source would always be all hers. There may have been some tears shed, but they weren’t Violet’s. I’m a bit sappy these days, it seems.

Maybe a little more sappy when it comes to this subject specifically. I am amazed and inspired at the lengths people will go to to get breastmilk into babies. Milk donation is no small task on either end. Donors devote hours of effort to pumping, washing parts, and periodically sterilizing components. Recipients spend countless hours contacting donors and arranging for shipment (also no small expense). I understand their commitment because I share it: breastfeeding my daughter, and promoting and supporting breastfeeding in general, has become so important to me. I’m honored to have the opportunity to provide even a few days of such nourishment to one more baby. Bon Appetit, little buddy!

Wordless Wednesday

2008-10-08T12:27:00.003-06:00

Stuff We Like: Father Goose

2008-10-06T10:29:00.006-06:00

Music is something that’s important to us, and we wanted to encourage Violet to enjoy it too at an early age. Part of our preparations for bringing home baby included setting up a tiny speaker set for what was to become her iPod, loaded with lullabies that we still play in her room around the clock.

Of course, she hears a lot of our tunes, but we’ve accumulated quite a collection of kids’ music as well . . . about 24 hours of it to date. In keeping with our musical tastes (preferences for world music, jazz, blues, reggae, folk, and classic rock – aversions to country, rap, hip-hop, and pop), Violet’s playlist ranges from African Lullaby to the Baby Loves Jazz Band, to our favorite kids’ CD: It’s a Bam Bam Diddly, by Father Goose.

Essentially reggae/ska aimed at the shorter set, It’s a Bam Bam Diddly is a blast. In addition to the Goose himself (aka Rankin Don), the album includes performances by favorite kid's music artist Dan Zanes – and even Sheryl Crow. The title track could get anybody on their feet, as could "Come Down the Line" and "Chi Chi Buddo." My other personal favorite songs: "Jig Jog Gee" and "By and By."

In the world of children’s music, we’ve found a lot that we like, but nothing like Father Goose!

Attachment Parenting Month 2008: "Giving Our Children Presence"

2008-10-03T10:12:00.002-06:00

Attachment Parenting International (API) has designated October Attachment Parenting Month, and this year’s theme is “Giving Our Children Presence.” It’s such a great reminder for me; I know for me it’s easy to caught up in the everyday details, and while I’m with Violet . . . I’m not always with her. I’m looking forward to thinking about - and writing about - ways that we give our presence to our daughter and ways that can we can give her more. I’m also looking forward to reading and responding to other parents’ thoughts on the subject over on API Speaks this month. After Violet’s gone to bed, of course. ;)

Wordless Wednesday

2008-10-01T08:53:00.001-06:00

Dumping the Pump

2008-09-29T15:03:00.005-06:00

After more than a year of sticking my "please do not disturb" post-it on my office door 2 or three times a day, I'm officially retiring my breastpump. I hadn't yet given much thought to when I'd stop pumping when, a week ago, Violet decided she was done drinking breastmilk any way other than straight from the source.

She was never much for the bottle to begin with. We waited to introduce one until she was six or eight weeks old, and Eric's initial overtures with it were not well received. She refused to take a bottle the entirety of my maternity leave, and we worried about whether she'd be more willing once she was in daycare. I went back to work when she was three months old, and getting her settled there went more smoothly than I ever could have hoped. But she still refused to take a bottle. She wasn't upset about it, she just wouldn't eat.

Fortunately, my employer is family-friendly, and supported me as I worked around Violet's preference for nothing but the breast. I'd nurse her there at the daycare immediately before going in to work, and return at lunch time to a happy (but hungry!) baby. After lunch she'd hold out until I returned at the end of the day when we'd sit down and nurse before heading home. She made up for any missed milk when we were together at night.

She stuck with this schedule for a couple of months, while her caregivers at daycare continued to gently encourage her to accept a bottle. Once she did, she never took more than 4 ounces at a time - and usually only an ounce or two. Just enough, it seemed, to stave off hunger for a little while longer.

Since Violet was never particularly attached to the bottle, I probably shouldn't have been so surprised when she decided she was done with it. She refused it from her sippy cup, too, waiting for the milk in the cup to be replaced with water before drinking. Wanting to be certain, I kept pumping all last week while we waited to see if she changed her mind. She didn't. So I packed up the pump, and worked all day through today without taking a break to pump. I could get used to this.

I don't know of any woman who loves to pump, and I certainly didn't, but I'm glad that I did it. I'm happy to have kept her exclusively breast-fed for more than six months despite being separated during the day, and to have continued to supply her with my milk to drink while we were apart as long as I have. She'll continue to get the benefits of breastmilk as we continue nursing whenever we're together; she's shown no sign of losing interest in that! And I'm looking forward to being done with dragging the pump to the office every day, (don't laugh) deleting my freezer stash spreadsheet, and getting back to the best parts of the nursing relationship: when she is snuggled into me and looks up and smiles. Or waves her foot in my face. Those are some of my favorite motherhood moments so far.

Wordless Wednesday

2008-09-24T15:14:00.001-06:00

AP 101

2008-09-21T12:13:00.010-06:00

With Attachment Parenting month approaching, I thought I’d provide an Intro to AP of sorts for those who haven’t been formally introduced to the topic, and as a prologue to posts to come. If you’re already an AP’er, you might be more familiar with Dr. Sears’ “7 Baby B’s” than the eight principles articulated by Attachment Parenting International listed below, but you’ll find the two are consistent, and essentially mirror each other. It all points to the same place: nurturing a strong bond with your baby.

Attachment Parenting (“AP”) isn’t a fringe philosophy endorsed only by the patchouli-wearing hippie set. It’s simply a natural approach to parenting that can be observed across centuries and across the globe. Certainly there are multitudes of people practicing attachment parenting without ever having heard it referred to as such. They’re just doing what feels right for their families - and can often be heard to exclaim “I didn’t know there was a name for it!” when they learn of AP itself.

As discussed in this previous post, the premise of AP philosophy is that children thrive not only emotionally, but physically, neurologically, cognitively, and socially when their innate needs are consistently met by loving caregivers, creating the strong bonds of secure attachment. A nice concept, certainly, but a bit abstract on its own. Fortunately, AP advocates like Dr. Sears and API have broken down the overarching idea of AP into several central tenets. API has identified eight principles of attachment parenting:

1. Prepare for Pregnancy, Birth, and Parenting. Become emotionally and physically prepared for pregnancy and birth. Research available options for healthcare providers and birthing environments, and become informed about routine newborn care. Continuously educate yourself about developmental stages of childhood, setting realistic expectations and remaining flexible.

2. Feed with Love and Respect. Breastfeeding is the optimal way to satisfy an infant's nutritional and emotional needs. "Bottle Nursing" adapts breastfeeding behaviors to bottle-feeding to help initiate a secure attachment. Follow the feeding cues for both infants and children, encouraging them to eat when they are hungry and stop when they are full. Offer healthy food choices and model healthy eating behavior.

3. Respond with Sensitivity. Build the foundation of trust and empathy beginning in infancy. Tune in to what your child is communicating to you, then respond consistently and appropriately. Babies cannot be expected to self-soothe, they need calm, loving, empathetic parents to help them learn to regulate their emotions. Respond sensitively to a child who is hurting or expressing strong emotion, and share in their joy.

4. Use Nurturing Touch. Touch meets a baby's needs for physical contact, affection, security, stimulation, and movement. Skin-to-skin contact is especially effective, such as during breastfeeding, bathing, or massage. Carrying or babywearing also meets this need while on the go. Hugs, snuggling, back rubs, massage, and physical play help meet this need in older children.

5. Engage in Nighttime Parenting. Babies and children have needs at night just as they do during the day; from hunger, loneliness, and fear, to feeling too hot or too cold. They rely on parents to soothe them and help them regulate their intense emotions. Sleep training techniques can have detrimental physiological and psychological effects. Safe co-sleeping has benefits to both babies and parents.

6. Provide Consistent and Loving Care. Babies and young children have an intense need for the physical presence of a consistent, loving, responsive caregiver: ideally a parent. If it becomes necessary, choose an alternate caregiver who has formed a bond with the child and who cares for him in a way that strengthens the attachment relationship. Keep schedules flexible, and minimize stress and fear during short separations.

7. Practice Positive Discipline. Positive discipline helps a child develop a conscience guided by his own internal discipline and compassion for others. Discipline that is empathetic, loving, and respectful strengthens the connection between parent and child. Rather than reacting to behavior, discover the needs leading to the behavior. Communicate and craft solutions together while keeping everyone's dignity intact.

8. Strive for Balance in Personal and Family Life. It is easier to be emotionally responsive when you feel in balance. Create a support network, set realistic goals, put people before things, and don't be afraid to say "no". Recognize individual needs within the family and meet them to the greatest extent possible without compromising your physical and emotional health. Be creative, have fun with parenting, and take time to care for yourself.

No parent is perfect, and no parent can successfuly implement all of the principles, all of the time. But they provide some great guidelines, and remind us of what kind of parents we aspire to be. Look for posts on how the principles are applied in the everyday lives of AP families - including ours - both here on this blog, as well as over on API Speaks. And feel free to share your own!

Wordless Wednesday

2008-09-16T22:36:00.003-06:00

Fancy, Schmancy

2008-09-15T22:23:00.002-06:00

I'm not a professional photographer, and presently I don't have any plans to become one. But I've read enough in online photography forums about copying/theft of photos online that I decided it was worth it to start watermarking my work. I designed the watermark myself in Photoshop - those who know me and my general artistic ineptitude should be impressed! It's shown up in several photos on our Flickr photostream in the past week, but this is its debut on the blog:

Who Says Kids Don't Like Curry?

2008-09-15T09:26:00.006-06:00

The first time a friend offered Violet a veggie “puff,” I was puzzled. ”They’re healthy,” she explained. “They’re made from vegetables.” Why not, I wondered, just give her the actual vegetables instead?

Western culture has an unfortunate tendency toward dumbing-down food for kids. Whether it’s for the sake of convenience, or the mistaken assumption that kids won’t like cauliflower, it’s more common to see a toddler munching on gummy fruit snacks than a fresh nectarine. Hoping to encourage an affinity for healthy, whole foods is one reason my husband and I opted to follow an approach I’d read about referred to as “baby-led weaning” (BLW) to introduce Violet to solid food. Instead of offering her the standard rice cereal and purees, we presented her with the real thing from the beginning and let her lead the way. Read more about Violet’s first encounter with solid food (we started with bananas) here.

BLW allows the baby to become acquainted with real food in its true form, exploring tastes and textures at her own pace. Texture is such a pivotal part of the epicurean experience, but purees eliminate that element entirely; learning to love pureed peas may not translate into an affection for the small round version that bursts in the mouth. BLW also gives the baby the chance to choose for herself among what is offered (i,e., polishing off her yam before moving on to the Quinoa with Latin Flavors and black beans or kiwi, above) and to be in control of how much she wants to consume - which helps her learn to follow her body’s signals in determining when to stop eating, rather than relying on the person wielding the spoon to decide for her.

From bananas, Violet ventured to other soft foods like avocado, squash and very ripe pears, and she didn’t stop there. By the time she was a year old, she had developed a pretty sophisticated palate, enjoying all the same dishes we do: from steel cut oats with cinnamon and raisins to Vegetarian Paella, Baked Ziti with Vegetables and Mushrooms, and grilled wild Alaskan Salmon with rosemary roasted potatoes and steamed broccoli. In a time crunch, we fall back on her favorite spinach, feta and heirloom tomato omelet.

We can’t take all the credit, of course – Violet’s willingness to sample anything we serve is in large part a product of her personality. But we certainly hope that exposing our daughter to healthy, unprocessed fare at an early age has contributed to her developing a taste for a variety of whole foods, prepared in different ways with different flavors . . . and that her preference for such delicacies will persist, even in the face of the less nutritionally desirable options she’ll no doubt encounter (and occasionally indulge in, as we all do) someday.

Reposted from API Speaks, September 14 2008.

Speaking Out

2008-09-14T19:17:00.011-06:00

I started this blog simply as a means of sharing stories and photos with family and friends; its creation inspired by the impending birth of our first baby. It's evolved over the past year to include more posts on many of the parenting or otherwise kid-related subjects we're passionate about. As of today, some of those posts will reach beyond those original Postcard recipients!

I've been invited to become a contributing blogger at API Speaks, the blog for the Attachment Parenting International. My first post, Who Says Kids Don't Like Curry?, hit the API Speaks page this afternoon. I'll repost it here, but I encourage everyone to check out the API Speaks blog, or Attachment Parenting International's website. API "promotes parenting practices that create strong, healthy emotional bonds between children and their parents," something Eric and I feel strongly about. October has been designated as Attachment Parenting month, so expect to see more posts on AP subjects coming up, both here on Postcards From the East End, as well as over at API Speaks.

Look Who's Walking!

2008-09-12T10:16:00.005-06:00

Violet took her first steps a couple of weeks ago, and I was fortunate enough to capture them in a photo! That evening, after returning home from work and daycare, Violet and I had headed outside to enjoy the late-summer sunshine. Camera in tow, of course. As I took a few shots of her on the grass, she practiced standing up on her own, always plopping back down on her well-padded bottom. And then . . . she lifted one tiny foot, and took a wobbly step forward. And then another. I kept snapping for a second or two before flinging the camera aside to scoop her up and give her a great big hug once she sat back down. She's been showing off her stride ever since!

Wordless Wednesday: Down By the River

2008-09-10T14:28:00.002-06:00

Perpetual Harvest

2008-09-08T15:38:00.006-06:00

I'd never successfully cultivated any form of plant life until this year. Houseplants weren't an option since they would have fallen prey to pets. Plants I attempted to keep at my office inevitably withered from lack of water because I am used to the living things I care for reminding me of their need for sustenance (none of my animals have never been shy about that). But I really wanted this garden to work, and with a little luck - and Eric's greener thumbs - it has!

We've pulled fresh produce from our own backyard all summer long. The first cuttings of spinach mid-May were followed by garden peas and the never-ending supply of summer squash. One of my favorite meals this season was a Barley Risotto with Summer Vegetables, which I was able to put together with almost all home-grown ingredients from our early harvest. (Violet loved this dish too!)

And that was just the beginning. About month ago, we dug up about 40 pounds of potatoes, and plucked a plethora of baby carrots along with them. Today the squash is still coming, the corn is ripe, and the tomato plants (heirloom, roma and grape) are producing almost more than we can keep up with. We're about to begin picking a lot of peppers as well: there's fruit appearing on almost all 10 of our sweet pepper plants, in addition to our 15 or so varieties of hot peppers that are putting out even more.

A couple of weeks ago, we retilled several beds whose crops had exhausted themselves and replanted with some that can withstand the increasing chill in the autumn air: cabbage, broccoli, cauliflower, brussels sprouts, and more peas, carrots, spinach and salad greens. We're looking forward to continuing to pull more good food from the garden for at least another couple of months. I've also set my sights on preserving what we can't consume immediately - Julie from Chez Artz piqued my interest in canning some staples like tomatoes. That may be a bit ambitious for me, admitted amateur gardener, but I'd like to give it a try!

Doesn't Every Girl Love Horses?

2008-09-04T11:31:00.005-06:00

Especially young girls. I know I did, and lunged at every chance to ride, even on those horrible near-mechanical trail rides offered by big commercial stables. It wasn't something I ever had the opportunity to pursue as much as I might have liked to, but having a horse of my own is something I still dream about.

My friend Tamara has realized the dream of owning her own horse so many girls share. Eight of them, actually. At In The Night Farm, Tamara breeds and trains horses for endurance racing: 25, 50, even 100 mile races through mountainous trails. And these horses are no ordinary horses. In addition to Aaruba, the Arabian gelding she is currently racing, Tamara owns and is training seven Barbs for the sport. The Barbs are a rare breed: hot-blooded and compact, built for distance in difficult terrain. Horse lovers don't hesitate to check out her blog - The Barb Wire - to see more of these beautiful creatures and read about the process of preparing them for endurance racing. (Cooks, gardeners, and those generally interested in healthy and sustainable living should also check out her companion blog, Nightlife.)

This weekend I volunteered to crew for Tamara on Sunday as she raced Aaruba at Old Selam, an endurance ride just outside of Idaho City. Saturday afternoon, Eric, Violet and I made a quick trip to ride camp so I could check out the location and Tamara could show me where things were before the race was underway the next morning. This was Violet's first introduction to real, live horses. Like most girls I've ever known, she fell in love at first sight:

The next morning I left Violet with her Dad and I was off to the races. Crewing wasn't complicated; I got to hang out with Aaruba while Tamara changed/ate/dosed Aaruba with electrolytes during holds. I also hauled a few buckets of water and prepared a fine dish of beet pulp for him to fill up on at one point. And of course I took pictures!

As for the race itself, I'll defer to Tamara's account over on The Barb Wire. (More photos can be found in her post there, too.) I enjoyed just being there in the midst of it all - the neighs ringing through ride camp throughout the day, the scent of horses (a distinctive medley of sweat-soaked leather, hay, and okay . . . manure) strong in the dusty atmosphere. It's another world, and one I'd like to visit again soon.

Wordless Wednesday

2008-09-03T10:17:00.002-06:00

Stuff We Like: Tiny Diner Portable Placemat

2008-08-29T21:48:00.008-06:00

We don't eat out often, but when we do, we want Violet to be able to eat with us. That's tough at this age, when food on a plate might as well be sitting on a frisbee waiting to find itself in flight. And of course the thought of putting what she'll be eating directly on the restaurant table is - put politely - stomach-churning. The solution? The Tiny Diner Portable Placemat.

The Tiny Diner placemat is compact (it rolls up to take up less space in the diaper bag), durable, and most importantly, made of safe materials: no lead, PVC, or phthalates. The suction cups on the bottom help affix it to the table, and the spill catcher is effective at keeping at least some of the food that doesn't make it to her mouth off the floor. We pack it alongside her meal whenever we head elsewhere to eat, and when she's done, roll it up, bring it home and wash it so it's ready to go again.

Here she is, putting it to good use tonight as she enjoys her dinner of brown rice, black beans, tomatoes and avocado (with a side of melon) at a brewery alongside the river:

Wordless Wednesday: Blowing Kisses

2008-08-27T22:04:00.006-06:00

Celebrations(s)!

2008-08-25T12:35:00.000-06:00

As I explained in the previous post, Violet's birthday was three weeks ago, but it's taken me some time to process the photos from the big day and her party the following weekend. Here are the highlights of the celebrations:

Eric and I both took the day off on Violet's birthday to spend the day with her. She kicked things off by trying out eating with utensils for the first time: we gave her a spoon with her oatmeal and let her have at it. Much mess ensued. She's still working on mastering the spoon, and falls back on using her fingers quite a bit, but we're happy to let her figure it out at her own pace.

The real festivities came after breakfast - birthday presents! Violet dove right into the pile, ripping away wrapping paper and inspecting the contents of each package. Among her favorites: a xylophone, a set of Haba blocks, and a Melissa and Doug Learn-To-Play Piano.

After lunch and a nap, we headed to the zoo, where Violet was captivated by the "ki-cas" (tigers/kitty-cats). Violet alternated riding in the Hotsling on my hip or on her Dad's shoulders while we checked out all the animals before heading home for her birthday dinner. We fixed her one of our favorites, Penne with Corn, Roasted Poblanos, Avocado and Tomato; she loved it. Followed that up with a few bites of huckleberry cheesecake, and the birthday girl was ready for a bath and bed. (To see the entire album of Violet's birthday, click on the photo of her and her dad at the zoo.)

The next weekend our families joined us for her birthday party at my parents' place (they have one less 150 pound dog to wrangle there). Lunch was planned with Violet in mind: Grilled Zucchini and Summer Squash Salad with Citrus Splash Dressing (made with zucchini and squash from our garden!), Garlicky Roasted Potato Salad, and fruit skewers with a honey-lime drizzle and mint garnish; grown-ups also got brats. Though we were up into the wee hours the night before prepping those dishes, it was worth it. We wanted Violet to be able to partake of at least most of the menu - it was her party, after all - and she enjoyed some of everything we'd made.

After lunch, the guests all gathered to watch Violet open her gifts. The first thing she unwrapped was a gorgeous pink pettiskirt, with matching wand and sparkly headband from her Aunt Amy and Aunt Meagan. She adored her new girly gear, and wore it until it was time for cake.

We wrapped up the festivities with a couple of Marion berry Upside-Down cakes I made using some delicious berries we picked up at the farmer's market the morning before. (Marion berries are a favorite of ours, and we planted some this spring, but it doesn't look like our bush will be producing much this year.) Violet loved the cake, but was left with a rash around her mouth and up near her eye, where she had rubbed with a cake-covered hand, after eating it. Once again, the rash faded quickly, and we still haven't been able to pinpoint what she's reacting to.

She fell asleep nursing not long after that, giving me some time to just watch her and marvel at how much she's changed in the past year. How did our baby get so big so fast?

(To see the entire album of Violet's birthday party, click on the photo of the birthday girl in her party hat above.)

Catching Up (And Keeping Up): Photos on Flickr

2008-08-24T15:02:00.003-06:00

After acquiring my (er, our) first digital SLR in January, I’ve been shooting primarily in RAW. (For those who are not photo nerds, the difference between RAW files and the standard JPEG is that there is a certain amount of processing that takes place in-camera when you shoot in JPEG. RAW files are, well, raw, and must be processed by the photographer on the computer.)

Shooting in RAW has done a lot to further my self-study of the subject of photography, but tacks on a fairly significant amount of time in post-processing. That’s not a problem for individual photos, and is certainly worth the extra effort in portraiture. But it isn’t very practical for snapshots, particularly a lot of snapshots. I rarely remember to switch back to JPEG, though, so events like Violet’s birthday and birthday party can take me a while to get through.

After nearly three weeks, though, I’ve done it! A few photos will be featured in a separate subsequent post, and the complete albums can be found on our Flickr photostream: http://www.flickr.com/photos/photosfromtheeastend/. The Flickr photostream is something I’ve just recently started working on. From our photostream page, you can see all of our most recently uploaded stuff, as well as photos organized in sets.

One of those sets contains my latest (and perhaps most masochistic) project: Violet 365. I’ve resolved to take – and post - at least one photo of Violet a day, beginning on her first birthday, for a full year. I've kept it up for 21 days so far! (Only 344 to go . . .) My favorite photo for the week usually makes it to a Wordless Wednesday post, but if you’re wanting more, check the Flickr photostream for the daily additions. I’ve posted a permanent link on the left.

Wordless Wednesday

2008-08-20T21:59:00.002-06:00

Love is Having a Fluffy Behind: Cloth Diapers Are Making a Comeback

2008-08-18T10:34:00.006-06:00

“Love is patient, love is kind . . . love is having a fluffy behind.” So goes the saying in today’s cloth diapering community. After decades of dedication to disposable diapers, more and more parents are coming back to cloth. But the choice to cloth diaper is still far enough from the mainstream to inspire many raised eyebrows.

The even more common response we encountered whenever we announced our intention to cloth diaper Violet before she was born was a slightly patronizing smile, accompanied by the standard, “wait until the baby is here.” (Read: you’re never gonna go through with this.)

She’s over a year old now, and is still exclusively in cloth. Which might surprise some of the skeptics, but what they may not have considered is that cloth diapers have come a long way from the folding and pins so many of us picture when we hear "cloth diapers." There are several styles of cloth diapers available today, all of them easier to use than most people imagine.

Of course, however convenient cloth diapers may have become, they do require more of an effort than their disposable counterparts; there’s just no shortcut to the additional loads of laundry. So why do we do it?

The environmental impact of cloth vs. disposable diapers is the most widely recognized reason to choose cloth. Approximately 18 billion disposable diapers end up in landfills each year; they are the third largest source of solid waste found in landfills. It’s estimated that it takes somewhere between 250 and 500 years for a disposable diaper to decompose.

Concern for the environment does provide us with incentive to cloth diaper our daughter. But the even more compelling, though less talked-about, reason is that we believe it’s better not just for the environment, but for her. Disposable diapers contain several toxic chemicals that we’d rather not have next to her skin for two or more years.

Dioxin. Traces of dioxin, a by-product of the paper-bleaching process used in manufacturing disposable diapers, have been found in disposable diapers. Dioxin is a carcinogenic chemical that has been banned in most countries (but not the U.S.). It has been shown to cause liver damage, immune suppression and genetic damage, in addition to cancer.

TBT. Tributyltin (TBT) , which has also been found in disposable diapers, is an extremely toxic substance which can cause hormonal problems and damage the immune system.

Sodium Polyacrylate. This stuff makes up the clear gel that makes disposable diapers “super absorbent” (beads of it are often found on a disposable-diapered baby’s bum). Sodium polyacrylate was also used in tampons until it was removed in 1985 when it was linked to Toxic Shock Syndrome (TSS). Equally alarming, employees in factories manufacturing sodium polyacrylate have been discovered to suffer from reproductive problems, fatigue, weight loss, and slow-healing wounds.

Disposable wipes caused us no less concern. Many physicians recommend not using disposable wipes until a baby is at least two weeks old because the chemicals in the wipes are too harsh for newborn skin. Since that didn’t sound like something we wanted to use on our baby’s skin at any age, we’ve opted for cloth wipes since she was born. Natural cleansing solutions are available for use with cloth wipes – we’ve opted to keep it simple and stick with pure water.

Even the thousands of additional loads of laundry our diapering decision has already created for us haven't dissuaded us from continuing to keep Violet in cloth. (For those concerned about water waste, don't - our HE machine keeps that to a minimum. And the resources, including water, involved in the manufacturing, distributing, and washing of cloth diapers don't even compare to those involved in the manufacture and distribution of the number of disposables a baby would go through in its diapering lifetime.) And while there have been a few hiccups in the process (buildup leading to leaks, one persistent yeast rash), we've figured out how to resolve all of those and prevent recurrence. It's absolutely been worth the effort, and we're looking forward to continuing Violet in cloth. Check back for more on cloth diapers, including our favorite diapers and accessories, in future posts!

Technorati Tags: cloth+diaper, cloth+diapers, cloth+diapering,

Wordless Wednesday

2008-08-13T20:04:00.002-06:00

Don't Turn Around: Keep Kids' Car Seats Rear-Facing Longer

2008-08-11T13:34:00.014-06:00

Although Violet is one year old, we don't have any plans to turn her car seat to face forward any time soon. Most parents are aware of the minimum standard: wait to turn the car seat from rear to forward facing until your child is one year old AND weighs at least twenty pounds. But experts - including the American Academy of Pediatricians (AAP) - agree that keeping kids rear-facing longer keeps them safer in the event of an accident.

How long? Kids are safest riding rear-facing as long as they continue to meet the height and weight limits of their specific car seat. For most convertible car seats, that means until the top of the child's head reaches the top of the shell, and up to 30 or 35 pounds. Many kids won't reach those limits until well past two, or even three.

In a frontal collision, injuries to a child in a car seat are generally limited to the head and neck. In a forward-facing seat, a child's body will be held back by the harness, while the head is thrown forward, subjecting the neck to massive stress, and possibly stretching or even breaking the spinal cord. In a rear-facing car seat, on the other hand, the head, neck and spine stay fully aligned, allowing the child to "ride down" the crash while the back of the seat absorbs most of the impact.

Though a rear-facing seat won't provide as much protection in a rear end collision, rear end collisions only account for about 4% of severe crashes - 72% of severe crashes are frontal collisions, and 24% side impacts. Frontal collisions are not only much more common, but much more severe than rear end crashes.

Kids can continue to ride rear-facing safely even when their legs are long enough that their feet are touching the vehicle seat. It may look uncomfortable to an adult, but kids are flexible and often prefer to sit with their legs folded. More importantly, there are no documented cases of hip or leg injuries in rear-facing children. And even if a child were to suffer an injury to a hip or leg, such injury would certainly be less devastating than the head or neck injury the child would likely have suffered if she had been forward facing during the collision.

In the United States, motor vehicles collisions are the number one cause of death for children under the age of 14. Keeping the car seat rear-facing as long as possible significantly reduces the risk of injury and death to children involved in collisions.

Looks like Violet is going to be enjoying the view out the back window a while longer.

Technorati Tags: carseat, rear-facing

Wordless Wednesday

2008-08-06T22:17:00.002-06:00

Happy Birthday, Baby!

2008-08-04T12:49:00.009-06:00

Violet celebrated her first birthday today! Despite what you see here, the day did not include any cake. We offered her her first birthday cake a few weeks ago, intending to use a "cake smash" shot in her party invitations, and to our surprise - she hated it.

We presented her with the cake on a Saturday afternoon, expecting her to dive right in. Though she hadn't ever eaten anything processed, (or anything including sugar, or dairy, or food coloring . . .) she's been willing to try every fruit and vegetable we've presented her with, and eggplant and cucumber are just about that only things she turns her nose up at entirely. So we thought she'd be all for the new flavors and textures of the cake. Hardly. She dipped a tentative finger in the icing, tasted it, and burst into tears. We encouraged her just to play with it, but she wasn't interested in that, either.

Eric captioned this shot It's Not Vegetables :

Obviously we'd never intended to use her birthday cake to torture her, so we decided to call it quits. Before taking it away, though, Eric offered her a couple of spoons. Utensils made all the difference; while she never attempted to eat any more of the cake, she entertained herself and both of us for some time tearing it apart.

It wasn't until we plopped her into the bath and started washing all that pink icing off that we could see she'd broken out in hives. No telling what caused them - there were countless ingredients in that cake and icing she'd never been exposed to - but they disappeared within an hour or so, without any further effects.

So when considering what to offer her for dessert on her actual birthday, it was easy to rule out the traditional cake. We went with a huckleberry cheesecake instead, and while she seemed to enjoy a few bites of that, she certainly wasn't smitten. Maybe her sweet tooth won't come in for a few years.

It's hard to believe she's already a year old. Happy Birthday, big girl. And many, many more.

(To see the whole set of Violet's cake smash photos, click on the photo of her crawling away -through the cake - above.)

Reasons to Celebrate: World Breastfeeding Week Coincides with Our Own Breastfeeding Milestone

2008-08-01T21:06:00.006-06:00

Today marks the beginning of the World Alliance for Breastfeeding Action (WABA) World Breastfeeding Week 2008! (August 1 - August 7) This year’s theme, Mother Support: Going for the Gold, calls for increased support for breastfeeding mothers “in achieving the gold standard of infant feeding.” Such support can be invaluable to breastfeeding mamas, and in turn, their babies.

Violet's birthday, August 4, will fall right in the middle of World Breastfeeding Week, and fittingly, will mark our reaching my initial goal to breastfeed her for at least one year. While we’re still a couple days away from the big day, she’s still nursing - and at this point, my 300+ ounce freezer stash would see her through and then some even if that were to change - so I think it’s safe to say we’ll make it. And we’ll keep going after that.

Breastfeeding is something I’ve become increasingly passionate about since becoming a mother. There’s no dispute that human breastmilk is by far the very best food for babies. Not only is breastmilk perfectly formulated to meet the nutritional needs of the infant, it contains over 100 nutritional components that aren’t found in any brand of formula.

Breastmilk also provides other benefits to babies that formula can't. Breastfeeding decreases the incidence and severity of many infectious diseases, including bacterial meningitis, diarrhea, respiratory tract infections, urinary tract infections and ear infections. Breastfeeding also has been linked to reduced rates of SIDS in the first year, and type 1 and type 2 diabetes, lymphoma, leukemia, obesity, hypercholesterolemia and asthma in older children and adults.

Understanding that breast truly is best, I expected to breastfeed Violet after she was born. What I didn’t expect was how important to me it would become, not just for the reasons that can be supported by a scientific study, but also for the bond that it created between my baby and me. (Okay, there actually are studies that reflect a correlation between breastfeeding and secure attachment, but no amount of analysis can compare to the connection I feel when she is in my arms and nursing.)

I was fortunate in that breastfeeding came easily to Violet and me. With the gentle guidance of our doula, Jennifer Schepper, she latched on within minutes of her birth. I was prepared for pain those first few weeks, but other than some slightly cracked nipples the first day or two, none came. We escaped common breastfeeding obstacles like mastitis and thrush, and have dealt with only one clogged duct to date. A brief nursing strike when Violet was 7 months old scared me, but resolved itself within a couple of days. But even in the absence of much of the significant struggle that can accompany breastfeeding a baby, the support I received was critical to my breastfeeding relationship with Violet, which makes this year’s World Breastfeeding Week theme that much more personal for me.

Jennifer not only helped us in the first few hours of our breastfeeding journey, but returned to our home to provide additional insight weeks later, and I’ve called her more than once in the following months to tap into her expertise on the subject.

Eric was of course my biggest support system, from the first days (when he fixed me elaborate and delicious meals I’d eat from the recliner I never seemed to make it out of for long) through this day, when he will join me in celebrating something we both believe in – breastfeeding our baby. His appreciation for what I’ve done - am doing - is support in its truest form.

And where would I be without my beloved friend Mandy? A breastfeeding mother of two, I consulted her nearly daily for months, on this and other topics she had exponentially more experience with than I did. And she never scoffed at my obsessive concern about my supply, for which I will be forever grateful.

The value of providing any type of support to a breastfeeding mothers simply can’t be underestimated. I hope to offer much of it myself to other mamas, starting right here. A woman’s success with breastfeeding is so dependant on her exposure and access to accurate information. Without it, she may be misled to believe that breastfeeding isn’t the best thing for her baby, that she simply can’t breastfeed, or that her baby is done breastfeeding (‘weaned himself/herself’) at an age when no baby would voluntarily wean. I’d like for this blog to be my forum for providing support to breastfeeding women in the spirit of World Breastfeeding Week: look for future posts dispelling breastfeeding myths and addressing other breastfeeding issues. And feel free to ask any questions of your own about breastfeeding - if I don't know the answer, I'll be happy to hunt for it.

How Does Your Garden Grow?

2008-07-31T14:59:00.006-06:00

See for yourself! This is currently the most prolific section of our garden. The corn is crazy tall, and heirloom and grape tomatoes (to the right of the corn) are exploding, though still green. But the summer squash (in front, from left to right: scallop squash, yellow squash, zucchini and lemon cucumbers) is already ripe, and we're inundated with it.

Zucchini is featured frequently at our house right now, with the most recent rendition Stuffed Zucchini with Potatoes and Peas. Also on the menu this week: zucchini, black bean and corn enchiladas and zucchini-based faux crab cakes (I'm told Old Bay seasoning makes these vegetarian cakes taste just like the real thing . . . we'll see).

The peas were somewhat short lived. We picked a bowlful about a month ago, and then the plants promptly died. Beans were equally disappointing this year; though the plants we have continue to thrive, only a few ever came up - despite three rounds of planting from different seed packets.

Our formerly lush potato plants have also begun to shrivel up and die, which I understand is an indication that the potatoes themselves are ready to harvest. We'll dig one up this weekend and see. I did pull up an onion last weekend, and they still have some growing to do. Carrots and celery will be ready soon, and peppers are just coming on. We're big pepper people, we like 'em both hot and sweet, so we're looking forward to that crop.

And for dessert . . . last night I tasted our first homegrown blackberry. Yum!

Stuff We Like: Sophie the Giraffe

2008-07-25T14:39:00.006-06:00

As we amassed baby gear in the months before (and after) Violet was born, we relied heavily upon the recommendations of other parents with similar priorities in making our selections. We still do, though we're moving beyond baby gear as Violet approaches toddlerhood. And now that we have a little bit of experience ourselves, we're looking forward to turning others on to things that have become favorites in the East End, starting with Sophie the Giraffe.

Made by Vulli for over 40 years, this teething toy has earned her status as a classic. Sophie was without question Violet's first favorite toy. Soft and pliable, Violet could manipulate Sophie's long legs and neck easily early on and - as intended - her head and hooves found themselves in Violet's mouth often. Most importantly, all that chomping was completely safe: Sophie is handmade in France with natural rubber and non-toxic paint. She's become my go-to baby gift, so if you're expecting, well . . . you'll know what to expect.

Portrait of a Girl in Pigtails

2008-07-23T14:19:00.002-06:00

Hey Baby, Nice Ride

2008-07-18T08:55:00.010-06:00

Violet and I have been doing our part to reduce our share of fuel consumption this summer by doing much of our commuting to daycare and work by bike. We converted the Chariot from its cross-country ski set up to bike trailer this spring, outfitted our girl with her very first helmet, and hit the asphalt.

We’re fortunate enough to live within a mile of Violet’s daycare, and can ride the whole way there without ever venturing off of our quiet neighborhood streets. After dropping Violet off, I swing back by the house to drop the trailer off and then ride just one more mile to the office. Even in 100 degree weather, it’s often more comfortable than the car, which hardly has a chance to cool off in the time it takes us to get where we’re going.

Best of all, this arrangement provides me with what is essentially the only exercise I can fit in right now. And while I get a little bit of a workout, Violet is comfortable (the Chariot is quite the cushy ride) and happy just watching the scenery go by. Maybe by the end of the summer, we will have even saved a few gallons of gas.